McMini Says

Some more gems from McMini who is currently hoovering up his supper, or at least, munching it crumb by crumb, at the same speed glaciers move.

He sighed and said, “I have so much to do… I must do driving and eating and measuring and running.“
“That sounds like a packed social agenda.” I said.
“Oh yes I am very busy.”

Then he looked at his toy aeroplane and said.

“That is made in a factory with a machine and then a man puts it in a box and it is sent to the shops for me to buy.” he said.
“Well, yes that is pretty much how everything works.” I said. “Where did you get that from?“
“I watched it on I Can Cook.”

I was quite chuffed that he’s worked out how a factory works from looking at a short segment about packing and shipping bananas.

This morning we were out for a walk and the conversation went something like this.

“Mummy. It’s been raining a lot.“
“Yes hasn’t it? I’m glad it’s stopped now.“
“Yes and the puddles have gone.“
“Yes they have.“
“Where do they go?“
“Well, some of the water soaks away into the ground and some goes up into the sky. It’s the same as the steam that comes out of the kettle when it’s boiling — that’s water too — except there’s not as much so we can’t see it.“
“Ah… I think that’s how rain gets up into the sky, then.“
“Yes, that’s exactly how rain gets up into the sky.“
“Mmm. I see.”

I think he’s probably quite sharp. I quake at the thought of his teenaged years. I will win many arguments when he’s a teenager (not).

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Bla bla Bla BLURB too

Here’s your chance to vote! These are the two blurbs for The Wrong Stuff… Which do you like best? Blurb A, Blurb B or a combination of both. Oh and there’s a free e-book of The Wrong Stuff – in whatever format you like – or a set of snurd post cards for whoever my cat picks from those who comment… phew that was a complicated sentence but I’m sure you get the drift.

<strong>BLURB A</strong>

<em>The Pan of Hamgee is not your average knight in shining armour. Sure he has escaped from police custody and switched realities. Yes he has foiled Lord Vernon’s attempt to kidnap Ruth, the Chosen One; but – a small technicality – he’s completely wrecked her life.

Ruth is unimpressed. Being pursued by Lord Vernon is bad enough. Now, thanks to The Pan, she’s on the run. Unless she can find the Candidate, the person who chose her, and persuade him to pick someone else, her life is gone forever. But the Candidate is in hiding and no-one knows where.

Cast adrift in an alien reality and harried by Lord Vernon The Pan knows he must help Ruth to find the Candidate. Fast. Before Lord Vernon finds her. But it’s complicated. Ruth is the woman of The Pan’s dreams but according to the Prophecies it’s the Candidate who will be the man of her’s. Can he bring himself to unite them?</em>

<strong>BLURB B</strong>

<em>The Pan of Hamgee has escaped from police custody, switched realities and foiled Lord Vernon’s attempt to kidnap Ruth, the Chosen One. Not a bad day’s work, he thinks.

However, Ruth thinks otherwise. Being pursued by Lord Vernon is bad enough. Now, thanks to The Pan, she’s on the run. Unless she can find the Candidate, the person who chose her, and persuade him to pick someone else, her life is destroyed forever. But the Candidate is in hiding and no-one knows where.

Cast adrift in an alien reality and harried by Lord Vernon, The Pan knows he must help Ruth, the woman of his dreams, to find the Candidate, who is prophesied to be the man of hers. And he must do it fast. Before Lord Vernon finds her. But can he bring himself to unite them? </em>

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Hello New Blog

Yes, that’s it from this one, I now have a ritzy publisher site and my blog has moved there too. You can find it here.

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New Free e-short

Yes, I’ve a new freebie short story for you… it’s not my best work but I was experimenting with being surreal. I like writing like that but it doesn’t always work for everyone else. Or to put it another way, it doesn’t always work. Not many downloads yet, although Smashwords fell over for a bit this morning so that might account for it (says MTM hopefully).

Anyway, here’s the gen:-

The Tale of Spam City by M T McGuire.

Griselda, the Spam Eating Wench of Noop has never clapped eyes on a can of spam, let alone eaten any. If the situation becomes public knowledge her family faces social disgrace. But the world tinned-meat by product crisis is deepening and spam is thin on the ground. Only Griselda can save her family from ruin but can she find some spam before the truth gets out? British English, light swearing PG

It’s on Smashwords, here. Enjoy!

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101 things you never knew about publishing, number 53

In Britain, books are normally launched on a Thursday. Hmm… you learn something new every day.

With the in-laws staying I’ve had to put my launch back so it’s no longer July, now but furnished with this new knowledge, the revised launch date is September 30th.

So there you go.

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Erk

My writing is going incredibly badly, not just a little bit out of kilter but oh blimey I think I’m going to have to re-write the first 50,000 words badly.

It does happen with every book I write but I’ve never had a two year old to look after or had my in-laws turn up to stay for an unspecified time until they find a house at the same moment. Usually I have time to concentrate, this time, not.

Hmm… It seems there are finally too many balls in the air and I’ve dropped the fucking lot.

Oh dear.

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Taking the plunge

Having discovered the lovely Smashwords is going to charge witholding tax I have been feeling, for some time, that my plan to e-publish my book has been a bit well… to put not too fine a point on it, pissed on. Now though, I have a plan.

So, here’s the deal.  I’m going to serialise my e-book for free, starting the last week in July. Anyone who gets bored reading the instalments can buy a copy of the e-book in advance for £2.50 or, if they really want to push the boat out, they can buy a paperback. Incidentally, the free, serialised, e-book will always be available. My aim is to get it printed for a price that will allow me to sell it for £7.99 and send it anywhere in the world for a tenner!

Terrestrially (is that the right word) I’ll try to sell the paperback locally, my local book shops, a signing, publicity in the local papers, radio and if I could swing it, TV, e-mails to friends, family, clubs etc. The angle being stay at home parent with two year old writes and self-publishes book – might add NCT or the like to the list for press releases then.

I’ve thought about Amazon but because they demand you sell it half price I’d have to list it at £15.99 in order to sell it for a reasonable amount and leave room for costs an their cut, let alone actually earn anything from it.  It all seems to be a bit artificial to me.

So there we go, that’s the plan… I took a big breath and sent off for the ISBNs today… one for each format of the serialised e-book, one for each format of the sold e-book and one for the paperback.

And yes, it’s a lot of money all this printing and isbns and gubbins and I could end up looking a real idiot. It’s sort of daunting and yet quite exciting too.

On a lighter note, scion pointed at my Dr Who mug today and, unprompted, shouted “Darlick”.

I did tell him what a Dalek was – when he was about 5 months old at any rate – but I don’t remember mentioning it since. Even so, clearly it went in.

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Lorks!

Since yesterday evening, the download total for my second free e-short, Bog Man, on feedbooks has gone from 650 to 741… I dunno what’s going on but it’s brilliant! In the last hour 11 people have downloaded it… The other one’s still ticking along with 2 or 3 downloads a day, now, that’s what I consider to be a realistic expectation for both but this is… barking… in a very good and happy way!

The new e-short is in the pipeline and I hope to upload it in June… the actual book, Few Are Chosen is, I hope, going live in July… if I can manage it… so you all have something to read on holiday.

Smashwords have to do withholding tax now so I’m thinking I won’t sell my e-book, I’ll do the give it away free and hope some people will buy a paperback model… unless I can’t get a paperback printed cheaply enough to sell it to you all for £7.99 plus postage, in which case it’ll have to be a case of sod it, let them withhold it and do it anyway.

So… scores on the doors…

Is This Heaven? – 917 downloads since Christmas Day 09
Bog Man – 1,119 downloads since 12 March

Mmm…

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Free publicity for e-books

I added news of my e-short to ebooksjustpublished.com. It took a while to come up but was posted on Saturday (10 April). It’s caused a sizeable spike in my download rates at Smashwords so I definitely recommend it. They are good people, too, they e-mailed me to apologise for the delay in posting (it did take a while but I expected that) and to let me know my announcement would go live and when.

The site is a WordPress site, so it’s reasonably easy to use, you register (the link is right at the bottom on the left hand side) and then you can access a template, fill in the blanks about your book, add a picture, links to your website, point of sale, etc.

My entry is here if you want to see.

http://www.ebooksjustpublished.com/2010/04/10/is-this-heaven/

You can tell I’m all excited about it can’t you… yeh, small things… 😉

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I’ll have a P please Bob

A small envelope arrived today with a new p key for my knackered keyboard.

It fits.

Hoorah!

No more pinky blisters…

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