Category Archives: About My Writing

If I reach a personal milestone in my own writing it goes under this category…

Look what I found!

Am I going to eat it? You bet your arse I am.

Alas! Poor Yoric. I knew him Horatio (but not in the biblical sense I hope)

Few things are lovelier, fried, with onions, bacon, a little potato and a touch of garlic and pepper. It’s actually a bit of a tiddler, they usually grow to the sort of size that would dwarf the toaster there in the background. Today I found three young ones and a biggie that had been squashed. I’ll never eat them all so I left the rest and took a small one. The biggie had gone to spores and I’m hoping the small ones I left will get to do that as well.

It came from a National Trust property near here. I found one there a few years ago, too, in the middle of a beautifully manicured lawn… which was quite bizarre. This one was on the other side of the estate, in a field.

It’s always exciting, finding one of these.

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Filed under About My Writing, Blimey!

Barren Island Books

Hello everyone, the peerless A.F.E. Smith has interviewed me, M. T. McGuire on her blog. It’s a bit like that radio show with the records only with books, phnark. So, if you want to have a look see it’s here.

I hope you enjoy it.

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Filed under About My Writing, Author Updates, General Wittering, Humorous Fantasy Author

Basking…

OK… a good week, a very good week.

Second, I went to two book club meetings for feedback recently. I was worried they wouldn’t like it especially as one group had been fairly forthright with a previous visiting author. I got some fantastic feedback. There was a consensus that older adults find my covers a bit YA but on the other hand, one of them, a Librarian, has said she will recommend it to all the teenage boys who come in.

What interested me, particularly, was getting a different view of the book from people who might not normally read it. Lots of food for thought. One highlight was a lady who openly admitted that she loathed this kind of thing and wouldn’t want to read the sequel but still gave it 7/10 because ‘it was very well written’. Another said that it was hard work reading Few Are Chosen because the chases were so exciting that she was literally out of breath.

And yeh, some of them even bought the book.

So am I chipper? Yes. I am.

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Awards, rewards and stuff…

I don’t know where to start this morning. Two cool things happened in one day on Sunday. Eee – fans hand in front of face – I’m all teary just thinking about it. The thing is, they’re so different I don’t know how to marry them up into a coherent blog post. Never mind. When have I ever let that sort of thing stop me? Exactly. So here goes.

First up, The Wrong Stuff has won an award and trust me, nobody is more surprised than me. As you can see I’m proudly displaying my new badge from Indie Book Bargains in my widgety bit. Please do have a look at the site or click here, and scroll down… a bit more… a little bit further ….annnnd there!

Whahoo!

That’s all I can say.

OK that’s the authory gubbins done… now here’s another important thing. Remember this post yep, that’s right, the cheery one. A few days after writing that I found out that one of my friends from school had had a heart attack and was in hospital in a coma – because life is always absolutely brilliant, around Christmas, isn’t it? The prognosis was not rosy although his Mum was convinced that he was going to make it and I have to confess that once I saw him, so was I. He is the most bloody-minded, pig headed person I know. Apart from me. I haven’t seen him for ages but he’s one of those people where that doesn’t really matter. My parents and I consider him pretty much family so I nipped home last weekend to say hello.

He’d made it to high dependency by that time and although he’d had a crap day the day before he was able to focus, communicate with blinks and he also managed the ghost of a smile and an eye roll when I told him he was the only person I know who is pig-headed enough to get better. He also managed an eye roll when I asked him if he wanted me to carry on holding his hand, seeing as my hands were disgustingly sweaty and covered in that gloop they make you put on them at the door (he blinked me a ‘no’ unsurprisingly). I left him some snurd cards – not that I’m an egomaniac or anything but actually, he’s a massive petrol head so he might like then.

Anyway come Sunday and his sister posts his picture on Facebook. He is sitting up, holding his head up and looking very lugubrious but also very much himself. Whatever the brain damage is, and we don’t really know yet, his intellect and personality are clearly undamaged. I would post the photo but he’ll fucking kill me when he gets better.

The link to writing…? Not a huge one, just that my current work in progress is not going well. In fact, it’s like pushing a giant rock up a hill but at the same time, while my normal cure for this would be to write something else, I can’t seem to leave this one alone. I suppose, when you know what you want to achieve, the steps towards it can seem very small and the goal a long way away. Perhaps the secret of attaining a difficult goal is not to evaluate your progress too often, or at least, if you do to look at how far you’ve travelled rather than the distance you have to go.

Over the past few weeks, it’s been hard to write in quantity because I’ve been worrying about people. And that’s fine. But it has occurred to me there are a lot of them in my life, right now, with much heavier rocks and much steeper hills than me. OR to put it another way, think I should really stop fannying around, get my finger out of my arse, and just write the bloody book.

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Filed under About My Writing, Author Updates, General Wittering, winging author, Writing Conundrums

Happy New Year. Hung Over?

Why not blow away the cobwebs with one of Gladys and Ada’s famous cheese and pickle sandwiches? You know, the pickle that’s famed for its chilli heat.

No? Suit yourself. But if you are nursing a cup of black coffee with a couple of Alka Seltza in it this morning, if you have the shakes but, at the same time, are able to focus vaguely, here’s another brief snippet from One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Trilogy, Part 3. Once again, it’s a work in progress, not yet professionally edited but here’s hoping you’ll enjoy it anyway.

One Man: No Plan, second sample.

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Filed under About My Writing, Author Updates, Free Stuff, General Wittering, Humorous Fantasy Author

Christmas Bonus

At least, I hope it is. I’m not talking about the Asterix character I mean a sort of present for you lot, who kindly read this. And it’s an excerpt. So what we have here, unedited, raw, unfinished but reasonably well polished is the first chapter from One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Trilogy: Part 3.

This is just to reassure you, that despite the efforts of the Real World, it is still moving. Yeh at glacial speeds but that’s not the point. The point, the big point, is that it hasn’t stopped.

So here it is, Happy Christmas. The sample is a pdf and you can download it by clicking on the link below.

One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Trilogy: Part 3 chapter sample

Next week, I’ll post another random excerpt from later in the story.

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Hang onto this…

It’s been a tough few weeks. Decidedly grim in fact. My father’s health has taken a turn for the worst. It’s age and atrial affibrilation – which is treated in such a way that gives you brain damage over time so if the person doesn’t die of a stroke or heart attack caused by the atrial affribilation they die over ten or fifteen years from the treatment. It’s a bit of a worry.

So two weeks ago, I had to make a mercy dash down to Dad and Mum. We sorted out a lot of things they will need to help with this, the new level. They have decided to stay home rather than visit my brother’s for Christmas so they will be alone. This is the right decision but it’s sad for my brother and for Dad and Mum. I know they’ll miss each other. As it’s our ‘turn’ to visit McOther’s side of the house there’s very little I can do to help because they’re having an even worse time of it.

One of McOther’s brothers died. Like my Dad, he was unwell but he managed his condition with good humour, common sense and intelligence. We thought he would be around for a lot longer than this. It doesn’t quite seem possible. We got home to discover that my Dad has had another fall but that he and my Mum didn’t want to worry us while we were down at the funeral. They are being well looked after by their ‘network’, which is reassuring but a worry because I can’t see any way I will get near them until after New Year.

McMini was excused school last week and we took him with us. Doubtless some of you will raise your eyebrows at the merits of taking a 4 year old to his uncle’s funeral. The fact is, we wanted to say goodbye and if we want to do something, McMini has to tag along. Because the buck stops with me and his dad. There is no-one we can leave him with. In the event, he coped extremely well.

However, as you can imagine, everything has felt a little unreal the last few weeks. I wondered if that’s why I seem to have kept a level head. Those feelings of unreality insulating me from the truth, but now I think it’s something else.

When we got home we had some parcels to pick up from the Post Office Sorting Office which they’d tried to deliver while we were away. So while McOther and his other brother stayed home with McMini I drove up there to pick up the parcel. On the way home, I went to the supermarket to get some milk. As I bipped my bottles at the auto pay station I could hear the automated voice of the machine beside me saying.

“Unexpected item in bagging area.”

The ‘unexpected item’ turned out to be a two year old girl, ‘helping’ her Mum. It made me laugh and I realised that it’s been these small normal things; shopping, conversations with McMini, washing up the dishes, stuff like that – and, yep, even writing – which has kept me grounded among the unreality of grief. I am a mum and I must look after my son many of these things which, on my own, I might have let slide, have to be attended to. And now I realise that these small events are the solid earth upon which I stand.

It struck me that this aspect of Real Life is relevant to writing fantasy science-fiction. If you want people to get their heads round bizarre creatures and outlandish locations you have to build these things on a credible bedrock. Your readers have to have that level place. There have to be certain generalities of geography or custom – or personality in your characters – for your readers to hang onto if you want them to ‘get’ the rest of it.

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Filed under About My Writing, General Wittering, Good Advice, Humorous Fantasy Author

Hello, good evening and thank you.

Yes, thank you to Adam Sifre; Splinker, himself who has interviwed me on his blog here so that I don’t have to write anything. HERE.

Thank you Splinker.

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When real life treads on your hands…

I’ve gone and depressed myself again by looking at one of those ‘uplifting’ posts on Kindleboards about people who’ve had an e-book out for half as long as I have and are making a gazillion times more money. Sod it, just making any money. Maybe you just have to be American to earn a living selling e-books. I dunno. Or maybe you just have to have time. Lots of time. And maybe it’s something that you just can’t do in tiny slices of time, slowly, over years, like I’d hoped.

You know I am basically a happy bunny, I am surrounded by sweet people, I’m happy, I’m cherished, I cherish  others… I’m blessed with a very happy family. I also live in a lovely house and drive a car that, as an incurable petrol head, I still can’t quite believe I own. There’s really nothing wrong with my life except that not everyone in that cherished, loved support group around me is as they should be. I’m not one to spill my guts over the internet but let’s just say this. There’s something they don’t tell you about heart disease. A lot of it gives you brain damage. Because a lot of heart disease causes a lack of blood to the head. Over time, this gives similar symptoms similar to those of exposure only they come on very, very slowly. Every day you get a little more fuzzy. Every day another little piece of you, the essence of you, is carried away. Slowly but surely, inevitably, you lose your mind. Add a succession of really hard winters, because heaven forfend that fucking sod might pull any punches and you’re in the poop. Big time.

So, one of my cherished people is in the doo doo and those years and years of bitty, incremental damage are beginning to show. And I can’t do a fucking thing.  And I’m miles away from them when I should be there. When the simplest thing becomes a marathon slog for them, I’m not there to help or reassure when all my life, I believed I would be. I’m not there to fix the computer when it freaks, or go through the paperwork or deal with the admin that escapes; things like tax returns or driving license applications. I’m trapped here at the end of the phone and all I can do is listen. And it feels shit. Because to watch the people I love suffer from a long way away and not help; people who have given me everything and made me who I am, people I look up to. That makes me feel like a special kind of bastard.

So the wheels have fallen off my writing a bit. I can’t stop, I’m addicted, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be hitting any deadlines, and I probably won’t be very professional about it either. In short, if K’Barthan 3 is ready by next Christmas I’ll be surprised. But in my defence, although I can’t name names and be straight about it here, there is a good reason. Real life has painfully, comprehensively, trodden on my hands.

I feel a bit like this. As Arnold the Prophet says in K’Barthan Three.
“Life is a gift, reach out and take it with both hands.”
And The Pan of Hamgee says.
“That’s all all very well for you to say but the gift I’m being offered looks suspiciously like a dog turd in a paper bag, to me.”
It isn’t all pants and it’s a lot worse for them than me but there’s a very, very sad bit and I have to accept that I can’t fix it. And that rankles. Big time.

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Filed under About My Writing, Humorous Fantasy Author

It’s World James Bond Day!

It’s World James Bond Day! And, as somebody who was never the same again after watching The Spy Who Loved Me and You Only Live Twice. I couldn’t let it go unmarked. OK so StarWars played a big part too, or at least the fact I saw The Spy Who Loved Me and the first StarWars film, pretty much back to back.

However, this is World James Bond Day so we won’t complicate things with StarWars, suffice it to say that I would probably write historical novels if I hadn’t witnessed George Lucas’ clever way of getting sword fights, which are, after all, BRILLIANT, into a sci-fi film. OK back to the programme… World James Bond Day.

The Spy Who Loved Me is not the best Bond film but it’s the first grown up film I saw, in a cinema… in Norwich, believe it or not. And it had that big base… with all the stuff… and of course… THE LOTUS.

Yes, THIS Lotus. Thank you instableblogsimages.com for the picture.

Let’s face it, that’s a snurd in submariner mode. Proof positive that I didn’t really invent them. Sorry about that. So for all my policy of only writing about things I’ve made up (so nobody can send me an irate e-mail saying ‘how dare you! You’ve got dwarves COMPLETELY WRONG!’) snurds, or at least the idea of cars that fly, go under water, turn into boats, shoot guns, blow caravans out of our path and other things we wished they do, is pretty much public domain. Snurds are just my version.

So after the StarWars Spy Who Loved Me combo, my dolls were suddenly spies with a space base. Imagine how overjoyed my Mum was when she examined the Pippa space ship I’d been taking to school for a week close up and discovered that in pride of place, as the central control panel, was the used Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-etc blister pack from her contraceptive pill. Suddenly I was gluing wings on my toy cars, buying airfix models of cars and aeroplanes and melding them into… well, yes, even then I called them Snurds.

Every day as I sat, in my Mum and Dad’s classy Peugeot 304 (don’t knock ’em they were brilliant) in the Worthing rush hour traffic (yes, we have rush hour in Worthing) on my way to school, I fantasised that it was Emma-Peel-Lotus-shaped and we were sprouting wings, executing a vertical take off and flying away. I suppose where I differ is that I did expect, at some point, to grow out of fantasising about snurds. But fortunately it never happened.

The year I saw The Spy Who Loved Me was also the point at which I found an old box, wrote “Lotus” on it in biro and started saving up for one. I wanted one of these.

Or do I mean these…?

I finally achieved my dream when I was 33. Sadly, in 11 years, I failed to access the All Purpose Torpedoes and I never found its wings button. I’ve just traded it in for a new one, although I’m afraid, so far, that one doesn’t seem to have a wings button, either.

Lotus Engineering, are you listening? You really need to make a snurd.

If you really like them, you can purchase snurd-related merchandise – and K’Barthan-related but let’s face it, the snurds are the best bit. It includes t-shirts, hoodies, mugs, post cards and the like from www.zazzle.co.uk/drawnbyhand*

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Filed under About My Writing, General Wittering, Humorous Fantasy Author