Things you don’t know about parenting until you try it Number 63: Night Terrors.

2012-11-06-153One of the surrealist things about having kids is night terrors.

McMini is getting over a sick bug and has a slight temperature so it was pretty much a given that he’d have one. They are also more likely to happen to very active children and McMini is extremely active. He started crying in that certain way and I went upstairs and found him sitting in bed shaking with fear, sobbing his eyes out and staring at something only he could see. Normally I talk to him, sometimes he responds, sometimes I just sit with him to make sure he’s OK and reassure him when he wakes up.

“Mummy…” crying.
“It’s alright mate,” doing the special calm voice, “I’m here. What’s up?”
“Where am I?”
“You’re in bed. Are you scared?”
“Yes,” sobbing, “but Mummy, can’t you see them?”
“What?”
“The Power Rangers lined up in front of the curtains.”
“I’m afraid I can’t.”
“Why not?” still sobbing.
“Because you’re asleep mate and I’m not in the dream with you.”
“Oh.”
“Yeh. It’s OK you’ll wake up in a minute.”
“Will I?”
“Yes. Are you scared.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not surprised, I would be too but don’t worry, you’re just having a night terror. Would it help to sit on my lap until you wake up?”
“Yes please.”
McSmall climbs on lap.
“What’s a night terror?”
“A very vivid type of dream. I still get them sometimes. Mine are when I can see the room I’m in but I hear a noise which I know is not real (but is still very scary). To be honest you probably won’t remember this when you wake up. Do you want a drink of water?”
“No thanks.”
“Sure? It’d be nice and cold on your throat, might wake you sooner.”
A beat. McMini stops sobbing abruptly.
“Mummy?”
“Yep.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Ah, have you just woken up?”
“Yes. Why am I on your lap?”
“You got on here.”
“I don’t remember.”
“That’s OK, you wouldn’t you were asleep. You’ve just had a night terror that’s all. D’you remember what you were dreaming about?”
“No.”
“Well, it sounded very exciting because while you were asleep you told me it had power rangers in it.”
“Oh.”
“D’you want to hop back into bed now?”
“Yes please.”
“Right o.”
I hug him and give him a kiss.
“Night kiddo.”
“Night.”

Night terrors. So surreal. If you’re little one is having them fear not. I found a few things on the NHS website which helped me feel more relaxed about it so I thought I’d share them:

  1. It’s scary for sure but try not to freak out. This is easier if you can remember having them yourself. Just sit with the child, hold them if it seems to help. Speak calmly to them if it helps you – sometimes they talk back quite lucidly and calmly, even if they’re crying their eyes out.
  2. Their eyes may well be open.
  3. It’s NORMAL, don’t worry, your small one is fine. It’s basically, a normal nightmare but at a different stage of the sleep cycle.
  4. It’s tempting to wake them but most pundits agree you should let the terror run its course. It will take anything from 5 to 30 minutes if our own experience with McMini is anything to go on.
  5. They are more likely to happen when your small person is extra tired, has a fever, and is going to sleep more deeply. They can also be caused by things that are likely to wake them up, excitement or sudden noise, for example the huge firework some complete bastard let off outside our house just before tonight’s terror started.
  6. Once the attack is over, if they start sleeping peacefully again, it’s often useful to wake them as this can break the cycle and stop them having another one.

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Yes, you can polish a turd… if you light it well.

— Caveat, the whole point to the less is more bit of this post was that the prop under discussion was the one used in the actual series of Dr Who. It wasn’t. It was built by a fan. Looking at the equipment available to the BBC props department and a chap in a shed, the whole perspective suddenly changes. Basically, a 19 year old lad has made something, himself, that I thought was an actual BBC prop. So it’s more on the freaking awesome level than what I call it. So what I say about attention to detail still stands but actually, the example might just as well be made up. So there you are. Check your facts. All of them. Even the ones you don’t even realise need checking. —

This week has been half term so all meaningful work on K’Barthan things has dropped in favour of doing stuff with the ankle biter. We went to a sci-fi exhibition at the local museum, great fun, and opened with a host of look a likes, Dr Who, Darth Vader, a rather handsome jedi knight, a cyberman, Boba Fett and McMini was pictured with all of them.

Inside the exibition they had the actual control console from the Tardis. There have been several, anyone with kids who remembers the beebatron on CBeebies, or who has subsequently seen Cari and David’s Pop Shop will know what happened to the one out of the 5th Doctor’s Tardis. The one in the exhibition was the current one. Here it is. So what do you notice?

IMG_0689

That’s right. It’s really shit. And close up, it looks like this?

Dodgy Tardis

and this….?

dodgytardis3

So this is what amazed me; the difference between the way it appears on film and the way it looks close up.

On film: slick, sparkly and kind of steam punk with all that shiny brass and bits of 1960s telephones. Of solid, robust and more to the point cool.

Close up: shit.

And here’s the magic.

It doesn’t matter how hit looks close up because, it’s designed to be seen on film and the minute I take a picture it ceases to become a load of old tut and turns into to something else.

And what does this have to do with writing?

Well, my point is this. It’s easy to get hung up on world building and character back story when you write spec-fic. But what this teaches me, at any rate, is that the trick is not so much what you put in as what you leave out.

Yes, the Tardis Control Console looks terrible to the naked eye but on TV it looks bloody brilliant. Sometimes, less, or a hint, is more and the reader – or viewer’s – imagination does the rest. The secret is selecting the trigger details, the odd snippet here and there which people reading it will embellish for themselves. The real Gods are the writers who do that in a way that will have every reader seeing the same picture.

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And now, an interview!

You know I did that interview? Well here’s Will Macmillan Jones showing us how it’s done. Enjoy.

Kay Kauffman's avatarSuddenly they all died. The end.

Will's PhotographAs promised, I have an interview for you with the lovely Will Macmillan Jones, author of the hilarious Banned Underground books.  It might have taken me a little longer than I first thought to get this posted, but what can I say?  Writers are not necessarily the most organized lot.  (Some may very well be, but I most certainly am not.)

KK: So, now that you’ve done it a couple of times, what’s it like to put out two books a year?

WMJ: What’s it like?  Let me see…imagine being run over by a lawnmower, thrown in a washing machine, a tumble drier and finished off in an old fashioned mangle.  It’s hard going.  As you know, I don’t write especially long books, mainly for commercial reasons.  But even so it is very hard work, both creatively and practically.  But actually quite rewarding too.  I can now look at my dressing…

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Monday Author Meetup: MT McGuire

That’s right folks this week Lyn is interviewing me. Do pop over and have a look. Her blog is full of interesting stuff.

Lyn Horner's avatarLyn Horner's Corner

Friends, you’re MTMcGuirePhotoin for some fun and nuggets of writing wisdom today. My guest is British author of humorous, speculative fiction, M T McGuire.

About the author:

Hello everyone. I’m M T McGuire. I grew up on a windy down but now I live in Bury St Edmunds, in Suffolk [UK] with my partner and our five year old son (who is rather more mature than either of us).

Despite checking all unfamiliar wardrobes for a gateway to Narnia I’m disappointed to report that I haven’t found one. When I do, I promise you’ll be the first to know.

If you like humorous speculative fiction you might enjoy my novels: Few Are Chosen, K’Barthan Trilogy: Part 1 and The Wrong Stuff, K’Barthan Trilogy: Part 2. Both are available in pretty much any e-book format you like and also in paperback. The third book in the trilogy, One Man: No Plan, should…

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Author Interiew

Bit of a re-blog this one. Joo’s Book Reviews (and interviews) blog has very kindly interviewed me and you can find out what we talked about, my feet get a mention… and the telly. If you want to have a look it’s here.

You can also find Joo’s review of Few Are Chosen, here.

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Am I what I eat? I hope not.

It’s Friday, not much is going on, McMini is upstairs ‘playing’ with a cross trainer, which is somewhat worrying but hey, he’s enjoying himself, taking some exercise and it’s keeping him quiet. Actually, it’s not, he’s shouting cheery numbers down to me as I sit here in the kitchen.

“One hundred a million!” clunk clunk, “seventy zero” clunk whirr clunk, “fifty a hundred three!”

Which reminds me, I don’t think I’ve posted anything about the conversation we had in the supermarket the other day.

After our splendid trip to Alsace, McMini has developed a liking for frankfurters or “les knack” as they are known in Alsace.

Dinosaurs meet.

Dinosaurs meet.

So I tend to buy them in packs of four, one sell by quite soon, one with a date a bit further away so I can keep it in reserve for later in the week. So there we are at the cold meats section and I’m rootling about at the back looking for one with a longer date. McMini is idly looking at the packets of stuff asking random questions and I am marvelling at the way his mind works.

For example, his question about precut salami: “How big is one of these sausages, Mummy, if it’s not cut up?” you get the picture, I’m sure. anyway, there we are.

“Mummy…?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know what this meat is?”

“No,” I say, because Mummy is not really looking.

“It’s pterodactyl meat.”

I grab the latest sell by date knacks I can find and pop up to see what he’s looking at. Pancetta, cubati de.

“Is it really?”

“Yes. They catch the pterodactyl and then they kill it, and cut it into tiny pieces and then WE eat it.”

“I see. That’s… very interesting. Did your father tell you that?”

“No, I made- I found out all by my own. I know all sorts of interesting things.”

“I’ll say.”

At this point I notice an elderly man who gives me a lovely smile and walks away chuckling.

Later, on the way home, he says. “Mummy, I love you and Daddy and God more than anyone else in the whole WORLD even more than my best friends!”

This is how a five year old thinks and talks, I suppose and it’s really rather wonderful.

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How to get fit without trying.

It’s the time for adventure, the kind of adventure that means I must bicycle very fast from A to B in the early morning, which is, of course, the time when I am least equipped to do so.

Last week, the bearings on McMini’s borrowed balance bike seized half way to school. We chained it to a lamp post, he jumped on the back of the bike and I caned it to school. At least I only had to maintain high speed up one of the hills, we’d already done the other one!

This morning, the McLotus was our doom. It ran out of battery. I hadn’t used it for 3 weeks – you know how it is, it’s only a mile to school and there’s not even time for the oil to warm up and it’s just…. cruel. I had to go out in it on Thursday and when I started it, it went wauh nuh very slowly. But that’s the thing with a Lotus, really it only has to manage one turn and it goes, if you can get a wheezy ‘wauh’ out of it, it’ll start. So I’d taken it on a little run and checked it started OK when I got home. It did, I relaxed.

So… this morning we were late, so late we had to go in the car but when we got in it didn’t ‘wauh nuh’ it didn’t even go ‘wauh’. It just went click.

Keenly aware that I had to go 4 miles to the hospital for physio, up and down five hills, I thought I should try and charge it. I have a solar powered trickle charger which I thought I could use, plug it in and leave it outside the garage door. But it wasn’t long enough and the car wouldn’t move – you can’t even take the hand brake off and push it. When they say it has an ‘immobiliser’ they mean it. Normally, I’d just leave the door open a crack. However, today it was all complicated by the arrival, in a field near us of some people in caravans. There is a group wanting to settle somewhere in Bury who are regularly moved on but are staying round the town. It could have been them or one of the other perfectly decent groups… but it could also have been one of the groups that comes complete with a spike in the crime rate.

There was no time to do anything more so I shut the garage door, and we had to get on the bike, McMini on the back because it would take too long if he scooted or rode his own bike and I had to do a seven minute journey in about three into a strong head wind. It was… interesting, especially when an old lady overheard me muttering “fucking wind” under my breath and thought I was swearing at her. At least I think she did because she shouted “Well Really!” and there was no other reason I can think of… so if you’re reading ma’am, I’m very, very sorry. I promise I wasn’t talking to you.

With the physio appointment looming I was keen to get it charged up. I feared I’d have to ring the man from Lotus assist and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t make it out to me in time. And then a thought struck me, ergo that McOther and I drive stupid cars and have ALWAYS driven stupid cars and that my Triumph Spitfire, and his, had permanently flat batteries and that, in short, we had a trickle charger.

Amazingly, when I looked, I discovered we have. Even more amazing it was one that you can use to start the car and it was in the first cupboard I’d opened.

Never have I averted car trouble so smoothly. And as if to bless my happy outcome, I saw a d type jag in a garage on the way to the hospital and it was so lovely that I didn’t even notice the Ferrari F430 that pulled out ahead of it until it drove away.

lovelydtype2

Yes, I’m afraid I went up the dual carriageway, round the roundabout, back down the dual carriage way the other side, round the roundabout at the other end half way along the dual carriageway and into the garage to photograph this one.
So it’s official. I’m a sad sack. I just wish I’d got the Ferrari as well.

lovelydtype

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Roll up, roll up for the Magical Mystery Tour, step right this way!

aia_magicalMTour2

The Awesome Indies is having a Magical Mystery Tour from the 27th to the 30th September. The tour highlights some of the magical and mysterious books listed on the Awesome Indies.

Take the tour for a chance to pick up some special offers and win some awesome prizes at the blogs participating in the tour. At the end of the tour you get to enter the Giveaway for an Amazon gift card. (First prize is a $25 card, second prize is $15 and third prizes is a $10 card.)

All you have to do is start at the Awesome Indies, follow the links from blog to blog, read the story and pick up the clue to the mystery key to enter the draw when you get back to the Awesome Indies.

Every book you buy from the tour gets you an extra 5 entries into the draw. Like all books listed on the Awesome Indies, these books have all been checked for quality and approved as being the same standard as mainstream published books.

Start the tour now by clicking HERE

The tour begins at 00.00 hrs on the 27th September Pacific Daylight Time.

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“Come in to my parlour,” said the spider to the fly.

On our last day in Alsace the weather was blinding so we left later and spent a morning at the hotel pool. McMini was playing with model planes, micro mini planes, one of which was an X Wing fighter out of the StarWars films. The conversation, as reported to me, went like this.

McMini, “Get in! Get in! Get in.” rinse and repeat.
McOther intrigued as to what is going on asks, “What are you doing there?”
McMini shows him the X wing with it’s cockpit opened. “I am trying to get this ant to climb into my X Wing.”
McOther, “Why?”
McMini, “So he can go for a ride.”
McOther, “But he’s an ant, he won’t be able to drive it.”
McMini, “That’s alright, I will drive it for him so he can have a lovely time.”
McOther, “I’m not sure he’d like it, why don’t you leave him where he is?”
McMini, “But Daddy he will have such a fun time.”
McOther, “I’m not sure. Ants enjoy different things to humans, he might not like it.”
McMini, a little crestfallen. “Oh… are you absolutely certain, Daddy?”
McOther, “Yes.”
McMini, “OK, I will leave him where he is then.”

We’ve been giggling about this ever since.

This evening, McOther rang to say that he was on his way home and that there was a lovely moon. I suggested McMini could look at it through his junior National Geographic telescope (what was I thinking)?

McMini, “Will I see any aliens?”
MTM, “Maybe.” (What was I thinking?)

So we got the telescope out and set it up and he has a look.

MTM, “What do you see?”McMini: “Nothing, just whiteness.”
MTM, “Hang on, shall I just check it’s in focus?”
McMini, “Yes please Mummy. ”

So I check it and focus it.

MTM, “There you go.”
McMini, “I still can’t see anything.”
MTM,”Hang on, let me check that again,” MTM checks the focus again, “is that any better?”
McMini, “No I still can’t see.”
MTM, “Maybe it’s the angle, shall I check again?”
McMini, “Yes please.”

So I check the angle and yes, it’s all fine, the moon is bang in the middle and he should be able to see it. I wonder whether he’s closing the wrong eye. He has another look.

McMini, “I still can’t see any aliens, just white moon.”
MTM, “Well, you probably need a bigger magnification to see aliens.McMini, very crestfallen, “Oh…. I wanted to see some aliens.”

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Why Slow is Good for E-Publishing

As the length of time between releases deepens I always begin to get twitchy. As I face the fact that K’Barthan 3 will not be out for Christmas, indeed, is unlikely to be out by Christmas NEXT year, I am close to a major freak.

Reading this and the reblogged post it contained made me feel better. Hats off to Mr Vernon for sharing some heartening stats and some sage advice. I may put the brakes on and start writing other stuff alongside my big stuff. Because I’m not really a one trick pony, which is one of the things that is making it so hard.

Why Slow is Good for E-Publishing.

And on the back of that, this one, too…. Bottom-Dwelling E-book Authors RISE UP!!!.  Oh how I aspire to sales like Frank’s.

So at last I’ve got the message. And the message is: chill. Quite easy that, today, here. It’s brass monkey’s.*

Sorry everyone, but One Man: No Plan is not going to happen in a hurry. But that’s because I want it to be good. And I’m sure both of you (and the dog) would rather wait and read something that’s the best thing I can write, rather than the quickest.

Yeh, I’ve just binned an entire plotline: 50,000 words, which is what I mean about it taking a while. Phnark.

Onwards and upwards.

 

* Yeh, I know, it looks odd but that apostrophe is right because the full phrase is cold enough to freeze a brass monkey’s balls off.

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