Tag Archives: eyebombthereforeiam

A kick-up the arse-starter

For a long time now, I’ve wanted talk about Kickstarter. This is slightly more a marketing post than an MTM update kind of post but … I just thought the information might be useful. I have only done one Kickstarter because it takes a lot of organising and as you know I am about as much use in an organisational capacity as a chocolate teapot.

However, many of the ‘how I did’ articles I see about Kickstarter are written by people who already have a huge following (so funding is a bit more of a sure thing) or they are romantasy jugganaughts publishing something that is more akin to a work of art than a book that has cost them tens of thousands up front but with thousands of hungry fans ready to get it funded in the first minute.

This is not the profile that fits most of us, so I thought writing a wee thing about how my kickstarter campaign went would be useful. I do have an established fan base but there are less than a hundred of them and I am very much small fry. This was my first campaign and was a very small one. It was also starting completely from scratch. My existing fan base love my photos but they are there because they read my novels.

If you are starting from pretty much nothing, this post is for you. I hope the intel is helpful.

Details:

Book: Eyebomb, Therefore I Am
Genre: Publishing/Art book and Photography/Photobook
I switched the two around from time to time but usually had photography/photobook as my first choice.
Running time: Two weeks
Time in preview ‘coming soon’: about 3 months, November 2023 – February 2024.
Campaign dates: 6th – 22nd February, 2024
Funding target: £100 (about four copies).
Funding achieved: £1,015; £985 in pledges and the rest in add ons afterwards via pledgebox.

Illustration of eyebombing to show what it is

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

Yes, I did have everything ready by October, 2023 but I actually ran my campaign in February, 2024, and because of the nature of my life (everything happens in slow motion) I’m only telling you about it now. Probate, clearing out a house, doing life laundry, sorting through family papers etc takes a loooooooong time in every sense of the word.

The book:

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am is a book my readers and social media buddies have been requesting for some time (I use my eyebombing pictures to illustrate my social media posts). Until recently it was too expensive. Then came Bookvault and suddenly it was possible.

Sniff test passed.

Woot!

Unfortunately, because I’m an idiot, I chose to do a square book so they could only print in the UK. Two thirds of the people pledging for your kickstarter will be American, even if you’re British like I am, so it’s worth bearing that in mind. Also size and paper weight appear to make no difference to printing costs, although they do effect postage. As a result my 21cmx21cm book cost the same to print as if it ws 12cmx12cm. The bulk of what my backers paid was to cover postage so it may be that it’s worth printing a smaller book that is lighter and costs less to post.

Investigating the postage costs for the size I’d chosen (21cm x 21cm) I discovered it was cheaper to have it shipped to me and send the books out myself, surface mail, than send via Bookvault so that’s what I did. Only one went astray.

This was a complete departure from my usual books but it was a good test and something I could do myself for eff all cash so if it didn’t fund I wasn’t out of pocket. My novels would have involved expensive artwork and drawings that I couldn’t afford, or I would have had to use AI to do drawings, with all the controvosy that entails.

Conversely, the eyebombing book involved my own photographs. I have over 4,000 and so I decided that this would be a good place to learn how to use affinity design to make a book, learn about producing print, and additionally, start my learning journey on Kickstarter.

Hang gel dispenser with eyes stuck on it so it looks like a face.

Work on the project started in March 2023, I work slightly more slowly than the speed of continental drift, and I set myself a year to get the learning done, the book made and the campaign ready for launch.

Everything was finally ready to go in October 2023. After taking advice on the Kickstarter Accelerator and Kickstarter for Authors Facebook groups I decided not to launch in November ‘in time for Christmas’ but just keep it in preview and launch in February. This was a remarkably lucky decision as in early December, my lovely Mum died and there was rather a lot to do with organising funeral etc 3 hours away in Sussex while at the same time making sure we got to see my McOther half’s folks (one of whom is too ill to travel) 5 hours away in the opposite direction.

Postage:

Was a nightmare! I included postage to most places in the cost of the price of the book which meant the book that cost £9 or thereabouts to print sold for £30. I was going for 100% profit plus postage to the USA on each book because that was where I suspected the bulk of my orders would originate. This meant I’d make money on UK postage and lose money on postage to Australasia/NZ and the far east.

The book cost about £10 to post to the USA and £12 – £15 to post pretty much anywhere in the world except the UK (£5) and Australasia/New Zealand and the Far East (£18 surface mail). I made £3 on the Australian books I sold. Bearing in mind that what I was actually selling was some incredibly expensive postage with a book attached, I was justifiably nervous and decided that a realistic target would be selling five copies of the book at £30 a pop with various other options. I didn’t factor in a cost for my time and was extremely glad I hadn’t produced the kind of book where I’d have to recoup design fees on top.

For add ons, I did an ebook version in PDF format, up to 17 post cards in various combinations and sets, and produced a googly-eye themed piece of electronic art. I kept it simple because I am a bear of very little brain and had to fit in a lot of family stuff. So all I had was:

The Kickstarter £1 tier.
A warm fuzzy feeling £3+ a give what you want tier, basically.
Signed Card   5 Backers  Signed post card plus mystery gift (another signed card)
Digital Sketch  £.7.50
Digital copy of the book £10.00 (I think) 6 Backer
Digital copy of book and digital sketch £15.00  1 Backer, he wanted a bespoke sketch so I did one for him.
Paperback and ebook copy bundle. £20 4 Backers
Hardback copy of the book. £30 13 Backers
Signed hardback. £40 5 Backers
Signed hardback + card bundle £50 (I think) 2 Backers
Signed hardback + go forth & eyebomb kit £50 1 Backers
Double Trouble: £60 Signed Hardback Bundle of two: 0 Backers
The Lot : set of signed cards, hardbacks, entry into a competition to get their eyebomb in the next book

Add ons:

For add ons, I did an ebook version in PDF format, up to 17 post cards in various combinations and sets, and produced a googly-eye themed piece of electronic art. I kept it simple because I am a bear of very little brain and had to fit in a lot of family stuff.

I also set up the cards at: £5 for a set of 4 and £15 for a set of 16 or £18 for a signed set of 16. I would have loved if I could have just put them on and people could have bundled them and a discount would be applied but it was too complicated for Kicksatarter at the time (it may still be now) so I made them into sets. These are high profit items so if people added them on I earned back the a bit more on Australasian postage, for example. Quite a few peps ordered these so they were worth doing but I didn’t need to print more than 20 of each.

Video:

Yes! I did a video. This was scary but I managed to record a not too weird vid of myself saying, ‘hello, I’m here to tell you about my kickstarter!’ After that I used a phone editing suite to add photos and did the rest of my speaky bit as a series of sound files which I added over the slide show. I’ve no idea if it made a difference but I was really glad to have posted something, and it really didn’t look that bad by the time I’d finished it.

Story:

I think my pitch section was quite long but it did help that there was a good story behind how the eyebombing started and why I do it. The aim was to get people to empathise, enjoy the photos and want more, and to prepare them for the fact this was quite a weird book. I also wanted it to be amusing. All my books are humorous so my usual marketing technique is to try and be relentlessly funny at people until they cave and buy one of my books.

If you’re interested, you can still read what I said here

Publicity:

Mailing list: I included news on the campaign build in my mailing list in the months running up to the campaign, indeed right from the moment I decided I was going to have a go at Kickstarter, a year before. When it went live, I mailed them and explained that if they didn’t like the idea of buying from Kickstarter but wanted to help me it would be wonderful if they shared on social media. I gave them links and I posted these on my page and in my fan group too, asking for help (I’m not proud! Mwahahargh!). I also gave them a choice of opting out of further mailings about Kickstarter in the initial email after which I sent two more emails about it. A few did opt out but a lot told their friends and a couple even signed up to the platform and used it for the first time so they could buy the book.

My mailing list peps are lovely but there are very few active ones. I’d say I have about 75 active ‘super fans’ and the list holds at about 2k on a rolling basis as there are usually about as many people leaving as there are coming in.

I wanted backers to be able to purchase add ons afterwards so I used Pledgebox to manage my pledges. It was terrifying because until the campaign had finished I had no clue what it was going to look like or how it was going to work, or indeed, if I could learn it. It was alright but it wasn’t very intuitive, the help files were worse than useless and I got in a hot mess with a couple of bits and ended up charging two people postage somehow (although luckily, not much and as I hadn’t a clue how to process a refund I was able to get round it by sending them extra sets of post cards). Forgetting to add a second book one backer had bought as an add on also turned out to be a disaster, mainly because as an add on to a tier where postage was already factored in, it made sense, but ending it singly the add on pledge didn’t cover the cost of the postage. Naturally, that extra paperback, already sent at a £5 loss was the one that didn’t get there (I paid two lots of postage on it at £11 a go and £9.40 to print it twice, for a £10 add on to a £30 pledge). I did manage to sort it out though so at least the backer got their book in the end, and using Pledgebox did get me over the line from £985 to £1013.

Social media:

I managed a few posts at the start of the preview period and folks in my fan group were really great about sharing, as well as sundry friends and the lovely bloke who reads my audio books for me. To be honest though, I didn’t do much because family stuff slightly erupted as I was gearing up to do the campaign.

Results:

The campaign funded in the first hour, which was a bit of a surprise.

However the preview and campaign period included a LOT of family stuff, as I mentioned earlier.  This started with a bit of a crisis in our care for Mum, who had dementia, ergo; realising the last of her liquid assets weren’t going to outlast her and working out a plan with my brother (ie choosing a home, planning moving her there and taking the first steps to put the family house where she was living on the market). Then in early December Mum went into a hospital with a chest infection and died just over a week later, on the day she was supposed to have moved to the home. After her funeral, we had to interr her ashes, get a stone laid etc. After Dad’s funeral and memorial service Mum couldn’t really face another service to interr his ashes and told me. ‘Batch us, darling, bury us together after I’ve gone. Neither of us will mind.’ So that’s what we did. Dad’s ashes sat on Mum’s desk in a box for four years after he died and then we buried them both, together at the school where my Dad taught and we grew up.

Soggy middle while I was staying in a wi-fi free deadspot interring Mum and Dad

My brother was a teacher so we had to have the ceremony in the middle of his school’s half term which was also right in the middle of the Kickstarter campaign. It also involved taking our son out of school but they were great about it. It was actually a rather lovely experience, so I can thoroughly recommend interring relatives if you want to avoid any concerns about the soggy middle of your campaign. I missed mine completely, had no access to the internet and on the graph, above, you can see from the flat line exactly how long I was in Sussex concentrating on other things.

Fulfilment:

Fullfilment went alright. It does take a long time, but then, I did quite a carefully worked drawing in each of the signed books and I’m pretty sure no two were the same. It is possible to have large amounts of mail picked up from your house but I took them to the post office in batches. Only one book went astray and because I’d posted everything myself I had proof of postage and Royal Mail refunded me the money on the lost edition, so at least I was only £15.70 down on that particular transaction at the end of it, instead of £25.70.

Did I make a profit?

Yes. My rationale was to aim for 50% of the funds received to be profit in order to give myself a cushion for processing fees, currency conversion and stuff I hadn’t factored in. My reasoning was that if anything went wrong on top I’d probably get about 30% if I set it up that way. I had already bought the books and cards before the campaign started so once the money appeared in my account it was, kind of, all gravy. Anyway, the bulk of the costs were postage.

Future campaigns will probably still include postage, because I’m still fairly certain that nobody will pay £10-£20 ($14 – $25) for postage on a book that has to cost £20 to make a profit so I’m pretty sure that when the time comes to try kickstarter on a novel I will have to make it pretty chuffing deluxe. Either that or just charge a flat £5 or £10 rate and only factor some of the postage into the price. Other options are casebound hard back with sprayed edges and very little else so the artwork can still be done by me. We shall see.

What I learned?

It’s definitely worth planning it and taking your time. Keep the tiers simple. Use digital tiers too. In future I think I will not do a pledge manager either but will just do it all on Kickstarter because the whole Pledgebox thing was pretty scary and Backerkit looks even more complicated. Also both of them spam you afterwards and presumably your backers as well. Set your target small, £100 is about $130 at the moment so it’s worth remembering that. I will probably always set my targets small and use POD because I’d much rather the campaign fund and I send out 5 books to people who want them than try to pitch for selling 25 books and then disappoint readers who do want them by not achieving the funds I need to produce them. Digital rewards are good, and great for eating into the massive hit any UK author is going to take on postage. Also, I thoroughly recommend adding things like post cards or book marks, which can be slipped into a book and aren’t going to contravene any regulations if you’re doing printed packet rates, but will still be really appreciated by the folks who receive them as an extra.

Avoid dust jackets unless you’re printing them separately. I had to have 12 of 20 books reprinted because they were damaged. The boxes are oblong and wider and longer than they are tall. Therefore, the courier always turns them on their side to stand the box safely on our nice dry porch steps when they knock on the door. The books all slide down to the bottom and get dented and the covers torn or foxed. I think casebound would have been fine, it would have been £1 cheaper to print, too and look just as good.

Will I do it again?

Absolutely. It was a very enjoyable process and more to the point, it was a great way  of reaching new readers who are interested in following me and my work. Kickstarter peps are friendly and talkative. They contacted me, asked things, we had chats and it was lovely. It also, kind of, plays to my strengths as chatting to readers and developing a relationship with them is one of the things I do reasonably well.

The plan for next year is to learn how to do the artwork for sprayed edges and find someone who is willing to do illustrations for the campaign for not much, or I’ll have to learn to draw proper comic-book style artwork for my campaign, myself, or I may do a mix of both. But if I use Kickstarter as a release strategy, I can batch the Kickstarter edition cover specs into the specs for all the other covers I order from my designer. Batching this way is always cheaper then doing them at different times.

That would mean a gap next year, so in the interim, there may be another eyebombing book. Smaller this time, perhaps.

Would I recommend it?

Yes. Wholeheartedly. It’s a great way to find people who want to support authors and are not squeamish about the price they pay for their books. Word is they also become firmer fans, if they like your work, which is good news. As I understand it, Kickstarter is also a different type of not-for-profit company and therefore is less likely to start gouging money from any creators make, through stuff like increased commission rates, exclusivety deals that punish people who raise funds elsewhere, or make creators pay for advertising in order to achieve visibility, etc, so it’s less likely to go the way Audible and Amazon have.

Take your time, plan and get lots of feedback, then have your campaign upcoming for a couple of months, so people can follow and be emailed when it goes live, before you start. Otherwise, thoroughly recommended.

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Eyebomb, Therefore I Am: new book release

Yep! You read that correctly, I, M T (writes at a speed which compares unfavourably with continental drift) McGuire have a new book out. This book.

Illustration of eyebombing to show what it is

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

Currently it is available, with perks, on Kickstarter, until 22nd February and will roll out to other retailers and my own store in a few months. Although, to be honest, by the time I’ve given Ingram/Amazon a cut, the cataloguing people at Betram’s or Gardeners a cut, and the book store a cut, it will cost about £50 a copy from anywhere else, whereas I can sell it at £30 on Kickstarter or my shop and still ‘lose’ some of the postage costs in there along the way so that even the Antipodeans only have to pay about half £10-£15 (£5-£8 if they go for the hardback or purchase the softback with other things).

Yeh, I nearly did …

Here’s some more about it:

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

Everything’s a bit grim right now isn’t it? So if you’re looking for something to lighten life up a bit, if you want to grace your home, or your coffee table, with something classy-but-funny, light-yet-cutting-edge; something joyously humorous but at the same time, sort of deep. Here’s a book that might be your thing. It’s about street art. Eyebombing, to be exact.

Picture of an eyebombed scaffolding guard at an art exhibion

Yeh that is a Banksey behind there …

Eyebombing is the art, if that’s the right word, of sticking googly eyes onto inanimate objects to give them a personality and raise a smile. See above, and below. I think you may all know this. I’ve forgotten how much I’ve talked about eyebombing on my blog, or not. I know I’ve banged on about it pretty much endlessly on Facebook and Instagram but …

Anyway, if who know my imprint, HUP, or me, you will, at least, know that I illustrate a lot of my social media and blog posts with eyebombing pictures like this:

Picture of air freshener canister eyebombed For years people have been asking me to do a photo book.

Doing a book involved learning a lot of new stuff (like Desktop Publishing) which was a bit daunting. It would also be really expensive (see earlier paragraph) so there wasn’t really much point that I could see. As a result, for almost as many years, about ten to be precise, I ignored peoples’ frequent requests to do a photobook. But people kept on asking, so now I’ve given in, if only to shut them up. Eyebomb, Therefore I Am is the result. Here it is …

And here it is again. This time, with cat for scale, because I didn’t have a banana to hand.

Sniff test passed

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am is my first photo-book. It’s a deluxe 21cm x 21cm (8.5” x 8.5”) hardback containing over 120 images taken my own personal collection of more than 4,000 photos. It’s a bit mad but then … for those of you who read this blog regularly and know me, that should come as absolutely no surprise whatsoever. You will also be unsurprised to learn that the Kickstarter actually started on 7th February and runs until 22nd Feb and I’ve only got round to mentioning it now.

In my defence, I hadn’t got round to writing a blog post in advance, and I was interring both parents in a part of Sussex that is startlingly free of any internet or mobile phone coverage last Saturday so it kind of slipped my mind. More on that story … next week.

Interring the old dears …

As you know, the last couple of years have been quite worrying and my writing muse was having a go slow. When it threw a loop, eyebombing is how I solved my need for creativity; tiny, cheeky, sanity-saving acts of micro creation. No matter how burned out and miserable I was, it was straightforward enough to stick a couple of googly eyes to something and snap a quick photo. Also, there was the added thing that it might make someone laugh and even though I wouldn’t see, that gave me a little buzz.

Picture of an ornate frame with eyes stuck on it so it looks like father Christmas

Oh ho ho

So, yeh. With things really stacking up over the last year, it seemed a good time to have a go at this book because it’s a different kind of creativity. One I actually still had.

Oooh and here’s the blurb!

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

Step into a realm where inanimate objects come to life and a simple pair of googly eyes holds the power to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary. This book invites you to immerse yourself in the whimsical and hilarious world of eyebombing; the art of sticking googly eyes on unsuspecting inanimate items to unleash the joy within.

As you turn each page, you’ll find yourself smiling at the quirky personalities that emerge from everyday articles ranging from lampposts and traffic signs to automatic hand dryers and even dinner. The juxtaposition of the ordinary and the unusual challenges societal norms, reminding us to embrace new or different things, and look for humour in the unlikeliest of places.

Whether you’re a fan of street art, a lover of comedy, or are simply seeking a joyous escape from the mundane, this photo book is sure to leave you grinning from ear to ear. You might even end up stashing a pack of googly eyes in your own pockets and having a go at eyebombing yourself.

So there we go. If you think you’d like to have a look feel free to go here to investigate further: Eyebomb, Therefore I Am on Kickstarter

And yes! OMG! It’s embedded it, Mwahaharhgh! You can watch the vid! What a scream!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hamgee/eyebomb-therefore-i-am-a-photo-book-of-funny-street-art?ref=1sxan3

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This week I have been mostly …

Running around like a blue-arsed fly.

No change there then.

Even so, I am going to write a blog post because I am beginning to understand that writing reasonably regular blogs is actually part of my self-care regimen. Yes. This is where I vent, and if I don’t, I start venting to actual Real Humans. The joy of a blog is that, if you don’t want to read this, you can just not read it, but Real Live Humans I Encounter are not so lucky. I need to not be that person with the verbal diarrhoea who buttonholes some poor schmuck and everyone else avoids like the plague.

So here I am, ranting virtually so that I do not end up Being That Person. Although there’s not so much to rant about this week. I’m more excited than ranty, as you’ll see if you do decide to read on.

Here are some exciting updates for you. Mmm. Some of life feels a bit like this …

Car on crane

Yikes!

Yes, as if I am hanging vertiginously from a piece of string thirty feet above a car park … well … you know … metaphorically.

Holidays!

Picture of Algarve Almond Tart.

Om nom nom

McMini gets at 2 week half term in the Christmas Term and as a result it means we can go to Portugal to get some sun and um … cake.

Which we did.

This time, there was not 100% sun but there was enough and I managed to score on all the food quests eating each of my favourite Portuguese delicacies at least once. Like this lovely cake which is called Almond Tart in the Algarve and for which I have failed, dismally, to find a recipe. Clearly it’s called something else as the swiss roll full of very eggy custard pictured is not what comes up when I search for Algarve Portuguese Almond Tart online.

Portuguese is a really hard language to pronounce although as a friend recently pointed out, if you try and speak Spanish with a Russian accent you can make a brave attempt. I can’t speak Spanish at all but I do make an effort with phrases like, ‘I would like x, y or z thing please,’ ‘This is very good,’ and, ‘Thank you,’ because I think it’s only polite.

The victims of my efforts patiently correct my pronunciation and then I have another go and fuck it up again. Mwahaharhgh. So if you’ve read any of my books and want to know what Tithian sounds like; Portuguese. I think The Pan of Hamgee may meet some Portuguese people and be completely bowled over by this at some point. There are the hints of an after story but I’m letting it foment a bit.

Other massive, massive news. I have a new book coming out. Fuck knows how but yes, it seems to be happening.

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am approaching publication.

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

Lordy me but what have I done? I’ve been tinkering with the idea of producing an eyebombing photobook for some years now. Well … not exactly, it’s more that people have been asking and I’ve been telling them to sod off because a) printing photo books costs more than anyone is willing to pay, b)I’m a bit shit at DTP and c) because I couldn’t afford InDesign.

But then I discovered Affinity, indeed God Bless Affinity Suite and all who sail in her. I paid £150 to actually own the software, you know, like in the old days, without any of that subscription bollocks.

So now, like a chump, I’ve given in.

Yes. I learned it. I learned fucking DTP to do this, I must be chuffing crazy. Well no, we know that. But long and the short of this is, I have made the book and—God help me—I have put the kickstarter on preview, provisionally going live on 18th November.

Picture of books about eyebombing displayed artfullyYes. I’m doing a kickstarter at the same time as there is a craptonne of Mum stuff going down. I am clearing out our house, clearing out my childhood home because there is no cash, and chasing up the company who are supposed to be doing Mum’s continuing care application who do nothing unless I prompt them. I must be a fucking masochist.

OK, so that launch date may extend because I haven’t finished the video yet, and the funding tiers are still a bit Meh and I only have about 8 hours between than and now to do all these things … but I’m closer than before. I have a script and a plan for the vid and it seems to be OK… gulp.

Probably.

So if you are one of the people who enjoys the eyebombing stuff I post, feel free to have a look.

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

If you are not one of those people, but still want to help, and I fully appreciate that you may not, but … you know … if you do … feel free to pop over to the Kickstarter page and share it to your social media platform of choice.

Also, if you do Kickstarter and you think the book might be your bag, you can follow the campaign and then if you want to buy a copy, it’ll will automatically notify you when it goes live.  I’ve tried to throw in digital stuff for those who don’t wish to pay postage and also I’ve done post cards and everyone who buys one of the physical tiers gets a mystery bonus.

I have dedicated the book to my lovely friends Jon and Nancy, because Jon died in February, which was, frankly, a bit of a shitter for all of us but especially for Nance so I thought this might make her smile.

That’s about it … here’s the kickstarter link if you’re interested:

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Eyebomb … everything. Publishing news.

Well, that was a hell of a week. In a good way. I’ve shared most of what’s been going on on social media. Normally I don’t do that because … spoilers! This time, because I keep forgetting to write my blog I just thought … sod it! And of course, now here I am, remembering to write my blog, so while last week, you kind of missed out, this week, you get duplicates. Sod and his chuffing law eh?Picture of air freshener canister eyebombed

Since some of this is a recap, I’ll try and make it brief. On Monday this week, the test copies for my next book release arrived. This is a bit of a departure from normal in that it’s a book about eyebombing. As you know, in order to make my posts more interesting I use my own photographs. As you also know, unless you’re new to this blog, those photos tend to be eyebombs done by me. I was hit by copyright trolls a while back so I am hyper-careful now about having any posts on either of my sites that are not my own photos.

For some time now, people have remarked, here and there, that I should make a photo book of my eyebombs, but until recently, the costs of doing so were prohibitive — we’re talking £20 wholesale cost to me for a 30 page book. Or the production side of it was too complicated — as in, I’d need to use some proper publishing software and didn’t have any or know how to use it, so I’d probably have to pay a designer, which I couldn’t really afford.

These two barriers to entry suddenly fell this year when I discovered affinity publishing suite, which is like photoshop used to be. No crappy subscription you just buy it. It’s also just as powerful and, woah! I could afford it. Second, a new player has arrived in the print on demand market which is a bit more user friendly and their costs are keener.

Though still a little unsure as to whether I could make a decent fist of designing a book myself, I had a go. It wasn’t bad so I tweaked my proof copy and sent off for 20 or so which I will put on sale at the St Edmundsbury Cathedral Summer Fair next Saturday, to see if anyone is prepared to pay ready money for them.

I think for world wide sales on this one, I am going to do a kickstarter, mainly because there are a lot of book fans on there and it seems a good place to connect with them and I’m not having much success connecting with book people elsewhere.

This week, flushed with the joy of a new HUP product in my hands, one that had been, frankly, a bit of a shot in the dark but which I was surprisingly pleased with, I went to a street art exhibition at my local museum with a friend. At the end, in the foyer, which is also the shop, I wanted to eyebomb a box on one of the shelves and eventually decided that since I was on CCTV it might be politic to ask. The person on the desk said, ‘I knew I recognised you! You’re the eye lady!’

I’m wtf? I thought. ‘Uh … yeh …’ I said.

They were delighted for me to eyebomb the box and when I said I’d been tempted to eyebomb the exhibition space they said,

‘Oh you should!’

Picture of an eyebombed scaffolding guard at an art exhibion

Yeh that is a Banksey behind there …

And the long and short of it is that friend and I went off and had lunch and then we returned to the exhibition and I stuck googly eyes on a lot of things … although I did avoid the actual exhibits. So then I asked if they thought my book could be put in the shop while the exhibition was on and they gave me the name and email address of the curator and said that I should definitely ask. Which reminds me … I must … you know … ask the curator. Doh. They may well say no, after all they are probably someone of taste and discernment, but even if they do, being encouraged to ask felt good.

So all in all, a good week.

I can’t quite explain this, but I seem to have found my art related creative mojo again. I’m guessing that now McMini is older I’m not using all the drawing art centre of my brain (which is totally a medical thing, obviously) to interact with him, be patient, find ways to cajole him into doing the boring stuff like getting from a to b within a certain time frame etc and also into answering question like ‘Is rain God having a wee?’ although to be honest that’s one I asked, he told me that he’d noticed that puddles disappear after rain and he thought that some of the water must go back up into the sky. But yeh, he’s smart and he used to ask a LOT of questions which I would always try and answer if I knew. And was a genuine delight for the most part, but it did tend to use most of the drawing creativity so if I sat down and actually tried to draw it felt like pulling teeth. It’s rather wonderful to have found it again.

Yesterday I knitted a wine bottle sock for someone. Didn’t finish it in time but it is finished now. I’m also working on a display stand for the eyebombing post cards I’ve had done. Yes there are seventeen cards as well (I’m nuts). I’m making this with card, and a lot of glue, and some spray paint. It’s fun and I haven’t had the resources or energy to do anything like this for ages. Perhaps I am finally post menopausal rather than peri, only the brain fog has lifted substantially over the last six months or so and I am getting acquainted with a MTM I haven’t seen for years; the dynamic one who has a bit more energy and who could, occasionally, remember her own flicking name.

I’ve also been taking Lion’s Mane supplements … don’t laugh … well alright, do, if you want to. But after starting Magnesium L-Theonate and suddenly discovering I could sleep through the night, I thought I’d give Lion’s Mane a go because it’s supposed to help with brain fog. I seem to remember someone said it was good for ADHD (which Mum always reckoned I had) in that it helps ADHD people focus and get organised.

Holy shit! First impressions suggest these things are gold. I have been so fucking on it this week it’s unbelievable. I have done stuff. I’ve made phone calls! I’ve remembered to do things … well … except email the curator of the museum to ask about putting my book in the shop but … you know. I’ve remembered to do quite a lot of things and I’ve procrastinated way, way less! Which is golden. So that’s been a hell of a thing.

At the moment there’s been a lot of Mum stuff so it’s been hard to write … although with the amazing Ruthless Efficiency pills Lion’s Mane pills I’m now taking, maybe I will be able to get back to that soon. In the meantime, I am building the kickstarter and I will make a special kickstarter edition which will list the names of funders in the back and have a couple of extra pictures and t’ing.

So here we are, and a book that I only did because the writing is a bit stalled and I needed an easy publishing win, seems to be rather more popular than my Real Books. Mwahahargh! For example; I’m now understanding, for the first time, how it feels to publish a book people actually want and it’s amazing.

Normally, when I bring out a book, apart from a few of you guys and the nutters in my fan group on Facebook, most people just smile with a slightly glazed expression and say, ‘that’s nice dear!’ Three quarters of the people on my mailing list haven’t even read one (God knows what they’re doing there but that’s another story).

This time, holy shizz! They’re asking when it’s coming out, where they can buy it, how much it will cost … I’m suddenly understanding what it feels like for other authors and why they are so enthusiastic about what they do. Hitherto, my relationship with publishing has been a bit like an addict’s with the substance to which they are addicted. I write because I love it and I have to and I need to share it. Also, a select few people do love my books … when they read them. But the when-they-read-them part is a huge problem because people only tend to read K’Barthan stuff as an absolute last resort, when every avenue of other reading matter has been exhausted and they are literally desperate … so desperate they’ll read anything … and then having finally had  to read one of my books, they write and tell me that it was on their to read list for seven years and they read it in a sitting, have read all the other books I’ve written in a week and how come I’ve only written ten? And why aren’t there more? And they want more K’Barthan crack nowwww!

There is no middle ground.

So … yeh … eyebombing. Waaaaay more popular than my actual bona-fide books. Who’d have thunk it? You live and learn. Right now, I’m just enjoying the ride.

Eyebomb, Therefore I Am

Picture of books about eyebombing displayed artfullyYou didn’t think you’d escape without me giving the new book a plug did you? Ha! No chance. It may not be on sale yet, but when has that ever stopped me!

Here’s the blurb.

Step into a realm where inanimate objects come to life and a simple pair of googly eyes holds the power to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary. This book invites you to immerse yourself in the whimsical and hilarious world of eyebombing; that art of sticking googly eyes on unsuspecting inanimate objects to unleash the joy within.

As you turn each page, you’ll find yourself smiling at the quirky personalities that emerge from everyday objects ranging from lampposts and traffic signs to automatic hand dryers and even dinner. The juxtaposition of the ordinary and the unusual challenges societal norms, reminding us to embrace new or different things, and look for humour in the unlikeliest of places.

Whether you’re a fan of street art, a lover of comedy, or simply seeking a joyous escape from the mundane, this photo book is sure to leave you grinning from ear to ear. You might even end up stashing a pack of googly eyes in our own pockets and having a go at eyebombing yourself.

If you are interested you can sign up to my eyebombing email list. At the moment very little happens when you do this, although I’m hoping to send out a series of eyebombing photos at some point. The main impetuous, though is so I can tell people who want to know when the book finally drops and where they can get a copy. So you’ll hear when the kickstarter is launched, what’s in the fabulous kickstarter edition and you’ll also hear when the normal version goes on sale afterwards … and if I do any appearances selling it. To find out more and be informed when it goes on sale, join my eyebombing newsgroup by clicking on this link:

https://www.hamgee.co.uk/ebl

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Let’s talk about pigeons …

This week, my school friend texted me to say she’d had a successful cancer op. There’s none left and she will do radio therapy.

‘Woot! Fantastic news!’ I started to type.

‘Woot! Bacteria!’ wrote my phone.

Fuckinell what is it on? I stopped and tried again. Nope. I have to laboriously type it in, one letter at a time, very slowly in order for it to understand because nothing will persuade it that someone writing in english is more likely to write Woot! Fantastic news! then Woot! Bacteria. Seriously, what the fuck has Google’s machine learning been smoking?

Welcome to my world. It’s been a bit like that this last couple of weeks. OK then. Onwards and upwards.

Where to?

I know! Let’s start by talking about pigeons.

Recent events got me wondering how much of the average pidgeon is bowel? Seriously, if there are any nature experts out there reading this I’d really like to know. It might be that birds, generally, have a very high large intestine too … um … rest of them ratio. After all Canada geese poo every 90 seconds (my poor bottom is wilting at the thought of going through life doing that. Sudocreme anyone? Five tonnes over here please, that might stretch to three days … etc).

Also, I remember how, once, I inadvertently sat in a seagull shit on a day out in Southwold. Bloody hell! Never again. It was the size of a labrador turd. Likewise … this last week, although not this LAST week as I come to finish this post, but the one before, it was half term. McOther went to check up on his folks and Mc(NotSo)Mini and I went to see my bother in Shrewsbury. As well as being a target-rich environment for eyebombing, Shrewsbury is a lovely market town. Much like Bury St Edmunds only rather inconveniently far away.

Cousin of Mc(not so)Mini/nephew-of-me had a minor op, poor lad, so we didn’t do much, which, as you know, I always regard as an absolute bonus. What I love to do, when I see friends or family, is talk. OK so I tend to talk the hind legs of any donkeys within several hundred miles but I enjoy myself. I’m not quite so certain they do but they’re all very tactful about it anyway.

We had a fantastic time, or at least I did, just sitting about drinking rather too much alcohol or sitting in the sun while the youngsters binge watched the Harry Potter films. We threw in a couple of forays out to meet up with family friends whom I haven’t seen in ages.

But I digress. Extensively. (Quelle suprise.) I was on about pigeon shit, wasn’t I?

So my bother and his Mrs live in her mother’s house, now. They also have a large and really rather lovely static caravan in the garden which Bro’s mum in-law and husband are using as a granny annex. Having sold their original house, Bro and wife have put the proceeds into a buy-to-let property for the time being. They’d owned it for about two days by the time I got there so Sis-in-law needed to measure up the kitchen with a view to giving it a bit of a refresh. I suggested I tagged along as it’s so much quicker and easier with someone else there to hold the other end of the tape measure. It’s a really nice house, no garden but that’s perfect for a rental and it has a terrace so the people can still sit out.

You’re wondering how the pigeon bowels come in by now, aren’t you? I know, but stay with me, I’m getting there, which, by the way, is kind of how it happened.

Sis-in-law works for a homeless centre. If you see anything about Shrewsbury Arc in the media you can pretty much guarantee she’ll be the spokesperson. They have a rented storage property which they’re giving up and some of the furniture there has been deemed too knackered to move or too complicated for many folks to fit so they are leaving it. This includes a couple of counter tops so Sis-in-law reckoned it might be worth going to have a look to see if any of it would could be recycled into the kitchen of the new house to give it a bit of a refresh. Otherwise it was going to be skipped.

Kitchen measured, off we went to the storage property. On the way, we had to drive under a railway bridge. There were traffic lights before hand, red, naturally, but as they went green Sis-in-law blanched and explained that there were more traffic lights under the bridge, that they would probably be red and that there were pigeons. We got the giggles about the odds of being shat on; about 100:1 for normal people but, since we had the lid off, I reckoned the odds of us actually escaping a shite dousing were the remote ones and the chances of being comprehensively crapped on from a great height pretty much odds on.

Sure enough the light went red and as we stopped, third in the queue and right under some convenient girders, I could hear the pigeons above. One, in particular, sounded as if it was heaving and straining, as if to lay an egg, or give birth … or possibly even scream for an epidural. Having commuted regularly on a line that involved changing trains at Earl’s Court I know what that means. It was about to lay a gargantuan cable.

‘Yikes!’ I said. ‘One of them’s got us in its sights. I can hear it gearing up.’ At which point there was a sound like a loud hand clap.

‘Bollocks! Was that the sound of shit landing on us?’ I asked her.

‘Yes. Although mostly on me,’ was Sis-in-law’s approximate reply as the lights went green. I looked over and her window was covered in what looked like the contents of a newborn’s nappy; yellow, quite runny and a bit granular, like mustard.

Except that to call it the contents of A newborn’s nappy was doing the pigeon an injustice. The roto-virus-yellow excrement on the windows was there in the kind of abundance that was more befitting a sizeable ruminant like … I dunno … a cow, a water buffalo, or possibly a large elephant. Definitely something bigger than a pigeon. Seriously, I’ve done smaller poos than that and I’m chuffing enormous next to a pigeon.

Luckily the homeless centre at which Sis-in-law works was about 100 yards away, so we pulled over and parked there to clean the car. When she stood up and climbed out I could see that she hadn’t been so much shat on as hosed down. Seriously there was a LOT of poo. She ran in and got a bucket of water and a sponge for me to clean the shite off the seat, floorpan, sill, seatbelt and window. I think I may have mentioned that there was a lot of shit but trust me, because I really cannot stress this enough, there was.

Sis-in-law went back inside to change into some clean clothes from the stash they keep there for folks who only have one set, so they can use the shower and the washing machine without doing their own impression of that 1980s Levi jeans advert.

Pigeon shit down the window of a Lotus

So. Much. Shit. There was double that inside the car and on Sis-in-law

While Sis-in-law was absent I surveyed the damage. I found myself marvelling at how one pigeon could do that much excrement. Seriously, there were gallons of it. OK so I know that when they’re spread out liquids look more voluminous but even so. There was an absolute fucking crap tonne of … well … you know … crap. We must be talking a 33cl coffee cup, minimum, of shite down the window, inside and on the floor and seat of my car … not to mention the extensive splatterage down Sis-in-law. I found myself marvelling at the wonders of nature present in the amount of liquid that came out of a living vessel that really shouldn’t have been large enough to contain it.

And what did the pigeon look like afterwards? You know … minus what appeared to be most of it’s bodymass? What happened to it? Did the sudden release of that much fluid kill it? Was it lying on the ground, little more than a flaccid skin with nothing inside it, you know like one of those plastic chickens? Would it shrivel to nothing, when touched, like an ancient balloon that’s lost its air? How could a living creature contain so much … liquid … without being double the size it actually is. I mean seriously just … how? It seems that the humble pigeon is nature’s TARDIS; soooo much bigger on the inside.

If anyone can tell me what the maximum capacity of a pigeon is, I’d be most interested to know. Both of us were giggling about what had happened despite the horrific stench but at the same time, I am genuinely agog to find the answer to this question.

As I washed the copious amounts of stinking guano off the car I noticed that the back tyre was looking a bit low profile. Less low profile, to be frank, and more flat.

Bollocks.

Sis-in-law returned, having had a quick wash and brush up, resplendent in a strangely baggy pair of grey tracksuit bottoms and carrying her reeking shorts in a sealed plastic bag. I briefly outlined the a new chapter that had arisen in our Series of Unfortunate Events and showed her the tyre.

OK first things first, or do I mean second things second by this time? God knows. Anyway. Step one in this phase. We needed to fill the tyre with air becasue otherwise I’d break it by driving on it. Needless to say, it’s a Lotus tyre and it is therefore a tyre that tends to have to be ordered in and take a day or two to arrive. Mc(not so)Mini had a gig coming up so that was two days we didn’t have, so if I buggered it up it was tow truck time when we came to go home. Step two, we then needed to see if the air leaked out very quickly or if it just went down slowly. If it didn’t leak fast we could drive to a garage to get it fixed the following morning and all would be fine. But it was now 7.00pm and the KwikFits of this world were closed for the day. On the upside, it was a Thursday night so they’d be awake the following morning.

But air was the first stop anyway.

Off we went to the nearest source—Morrison’s petrol station—to pump up the tyre. Then, since we were there and I was going home the following day, I decided to use the five minutes we were going to wait to see if it started to go down to fill up with petrol. I had a debit card in my phone case with over £100 on it but no other money with me, so we headed on over to pay at the pump. I swiped it and it was refused.

Ah yes, of course. I realised it was refused because the pump tried to take £100 off it and there was only £90 there because 48 hours previously I filled up with petrol at Tesco and paid at the pump with that card. No worries, if I stuck £10 on it the funds would go over the magic £100 level with a bit to spare, and all would be well.

Except no, it wasn’t. Even though I had £100 in there, and I’d only spent £20 on petrol at Tesco’s. No worries. I used my banking app to transfer another twenty quid to the account. It still didn’t work. I tried another tenner. Still no. Then I looked at the banking app for the account that was linked to this particular card. Well that explained it. The bank in question believed that I’d spent £100 on petrol at Tesco’s and that my coffers were empty. Thinking about it, I realised that Tesco’s hadn’t worked out how much I’d actually spent on petrol yet, so they’d just taken £100 off me for now, and were sitting on it while their accounting computers worked out how much I’d actually spent at which point they put the rest back. This had taken it 24 hours so far.

Fucking what? I knew you had to have £100 in there to buy petrol but I hadn’t realised the bastards actually hang onto it. Presumably, in a couple of day’s time … when Tesco’s accounting software had got its finger out of it’s arse, they were going to give me the other £80 back.

It was the end of the month, but luckily I did have another £90 I could put in, just, to convince the Morrisons pump that I had enough money to buy £45 worth of petrol.

Luckily, by the end of the day, Tesco’s had ‘realised’ that I only did a £20 splash and dash the previous day and Morrisons had already changed the £100 to the correct amount. Suddenly I now had £150 in my slush account and absolutely jack shit in the account all the direct debits were about to come out from. Cue some hurried transferring back.

I wonder how much interest Tesco’s makes from sitting on £100 of people’s cash for a day or two each time they buy petrol at the pump. Lots, I should imagine. Every little helps themselves eh? Bastards. No wonder every man jack of those gits buying petrol alonside me at Tesco’s clogs up the pumps for ten minutes a pop while they queue for fucking ever to pay in the guichet. Note to self, only use the Lloyds mothership account for this, not the Chase spending account, because with Lloyds mothership Tesco do not hang onto £100 of my money for 48 fucking hours!

Tyre pumped up, we decided the warehouse was probably a bridge too far and went home. Upon examination I found a nail in the tyre. It’s weird how these things come in patches as I haven’t had a puncture for ages but had a nail through my front tyre a couple of weeks ago.

Then of course, the next morning, I had to find someone to mend the tyre. That was alright, although it took a bit of doing and it wasn’t ready until 12.45. That was fine but not what I was expecting. We got away by 1.00 and even though the traffic was a bit shit we got home by 5.00. Poor McOther coming home from Scotland had it far worse, his five hour jouney was seven, whereas our two and a half hour journey was three, which doesn’t feel so bad. And we had each other to talk to. McMini is still as amusing as ever, except now he’s just incredibly sarcastic. We have in jokes about neck rolls, people with square jaws and apparently any bald person with very short or no hair is referred to as a ‘thumb’ these days which I find unaccountably hilarious. It probably makes me a four star bitch.

Other news, briefly: on the Mum front, the application for continuing healthcare continues on. I have been required to gather together an absolute fucktonne of documents, have them certified by a solicitor (but not my husband) and then send them off to the people who are going to attempt to apply. Continuing care is a bit like farming subsidies, applying is so complicated and fraught with difficulties that a whole industry has sprung up around applying for it. I am quite nervous because it’ll cost us £5k to do the application, another £2.5 if we want an advocate to speak for us and then, if we have to appeal, it’s the same again. I’m definitely nervous, but doing this could be the difference between her being able to stay where she is and having to move her early next year.

As you can see it’s all go, hence my doing fewer blog posts.

Writing news.

On writing, big news this week, I have now finished the insides of the eyebombing book … I think. I may have to redo all the images to CMYK but that isn’t so bad, it was choosing them that took the time. There’s just the cover to do … and it appears it has to have a dust jacket so it looks like I’ll have to do one of those as well but that’s just, kind of, the cover twice, with a little bit of blurb on the flaps on the inside. Although I might make it a poster or something. So that’s grand.

Picture of lap top with last page of photo book in D T P software loaded.

If you are interested and would like to know when the eyebombing book drops you are welcome to sign up for my all things eyebombing newsletter. To do that click the link just here:

 https://www.hamgee.co.uk/ebl

I am appearing at the Bury Cathedral Summer Fair with some other author friends on 8th July. Which reminds me, they don’t know about that, and I should probably tell them. I am hoping I can have the Eyebombing, Therefore I Am book finished, ordered in and ready to sell for then. It’ll be touch and go I’m going to try and pull out the stops to get it done. I am so, so close. It might be possible, if I pay extra for a quick turnaround. Hope springs eternal!

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Shiny things and other news!

Apologies for my sudden absence last week, I was on holiday – woot. I meant to write something but when the time came, I wasn’t so inspired. Portugal was lovely, as always, although on the down side, I failed to score any Don Rodrigo this year, which was a blow. I should point out that Don Rodrigo is not a bloke or drugs but is, in fact, this weird Algarvian pudding. Imagine Baklava, you know, the ones that look like shredded wheat, but the shredded wheat bit is made with egg. Egg they’ve extruded and done odd stuff to, good stuff, but odd nonetheless. That’s Don Rodrigo, it’s like … I dunno … deconstructed custard, but it’s Oh so much more than that! It is one of my favourite things. McMini and I have even made a rap type song about it because we’re both nuts.

We had some fantastic pork and clams, fish stew, piri-piri chicken, and other general om-nomess, the sun was out, and I did loads of work. Work on holiday? I hear you cry. Well, yes, but then, my job doesn’t feel like work, so it was more of a case of it being a holiday from Real Life to have some fun. Indeed, I managed to finish the next short in the series, which was weighing at a measly 10k and needed to be 15 or more. It’s now up to 19 with an added twist. I managed to sort out one that was done but … you know, not done. Although that went up from 20k to 26k. Then I tidied up the one between.  McMini was hugely pleased when McOther gave him his old flippers. So pleased that for the first couple of days he wore them as slippers.

Also, I was delighted to find I was able to eyebomb the Zamboni at Faro airport. McOther refused to wait, initially. Then as we sat outside on a bench outside the terminal while McMini finished his lunch he relented.

‘Just five minutes, and if you get arrested, we’re not coming to bail you out.’

Anyway, I meant to post something a bit more meaningful today but things have overtaken me and I’ve got distracted by shiny things again. Mind you, since I’m here, I feel I may as well share some of the shininess with you.

First up; the audiobook, MTM starts fidgeting and jiggling about with poorly suppressed excitement and glee. Last night Gareth The Voice sent me the recording of Few Are Chosen to listen to. It’s the weekend, and I have things to do and Real Life to interact with but I managed to get to chapter 17 as I wandered round the market. The first appearance of Humbert made me laugh out loud and the good burghers of Bury St Edmunds  around me stepped gingerly away from the mad woman guffawing to herself! My early first impression is a good one. I still can’t quite believe that a person with a voice that’s so totally right for the story has popped up out of nowhere, unbidden. Then again, Gareth is a bright bloke and he’s probably smart enough to pick something that his voice fits. I’m just delighted it was my stuff.

There could have been a lot of auditioning, even if I’d had anything approaching the money, and it had been on the radar. And while it could have been a lady or a man, I would have spent ages trying to find the right person. Instead, he finds me. I have been an unbelievably jammy bleeder in this respect.

It feels as if, finally, when the unicorn farted, I contrived to be vaguely downwind. Mmm. Go me. Phnark.

It’s a really intriguing process, and kind of nerve racking in a way, so, for example, Gareth’s Lord Vernon is kind of a cross between Donald Pleasance doing Blowfeldt, with a dash of Peter Cushing saying, ‘you may fire hwhen ready,’ in Star Wars. It’s quite strange because it’s not quite how I imagined it, but bloody hell it works. He sounds so fucking evil! Mwahahahahrgh! Several folks who have listened to Unlucky Dip since I posted it here thought Gareth had Big Merv and The Pan bang on, too.

Second, yesterday, I managed to sort out this year’s, or at least, next year’s EyebombThereforeIAm calendar. I’ve used the prize money I won in the photographic competition and had 100 copies printed. So far, I have offered to sell it and split the profit with three separate entities. Hopefully that should account for all 100. Having them printed up front does give me a chance of actually getting somewhere with them because it’s cheaper so I can sell them for £10.99 rather than having to sell them for £16.99 to make 99p profit. I think I may have misspelled instagram in the blurb on the back though. Such is life. It wouldn’t be me if I got this stuff 100% right it seems.

Third, the next instalment of the Hamgeean Misfit series of shorts should be ready for editing by the middle of next week. Indeed the only thing that’s stopping it at the moment is my usual chronic lack of cash. I’m hoping to have it ready for sale by January though, since it’s sort of, about Christmas really, but a midwinter-ish release date is fine.

Fourth, Future Adventures seems to be doing well, I am loving it anyway, but other readers seem to have enjoyed the book I put in and have bought the others. There’s been a significant uplift in income this month … or to put it another way, there’s been some, and I can’t think of anything else that would be responsible. Whoopeee!

On the home front, we are ramping up for Dad’s memorial service, not next week but the week after. It should be fun as it will just be a celebration more than anything. A group of people standing around telling silly stories about him. When I think about Dad now, I am just overjoyed to have known such a lovely chap, and unbelievably proud that he was my Dad. I do also feel that I have to step into his shoes, try harder at acts of random kindness and at being the voice of reason. I will post more about that soon, but I have to be in the right mood to write it up and at the moment I’m just too exuberant and excited about all the other stuff.

Yeh, another champagne week, I guess.

_____________________

If you’re interested and missed it before, you can find out more about Future Adventures and Small Beginnings by clicking on the links, below:

Future Adventures

Small Beginnings, K’Barthan Shorts, Hamgeean Misfit: No 1

If you click the Small Beginnings link and scroll down, you can also sign up to be informed when the other books in the series come out.

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And now for something completely different … #eyebombing #eyebombthereforeiam

Eyebombing: the art of spreading googly joy

Saddled as we are with a thoroughly grim world landscape right now I thought everyone could do with a bit of cheering up. So it occurred to me that it would be fun to start a group about one of my favourite hobbies, eyebombing, possibly with a view to doing a book later on … if it goes well.

Eyebombing is the art, if that’s the right word, of adding googly eyes to inanimate objects to give them a personality. When I write, I love putting obscure jokes in my books; things that only a handful of people will get. Eyebombing has that exact same appeal. If I stick googly eyes on something, odds are only about one in ten people will see it. It’s a secret joke between a tiny and exclusive club of eagle-eyed, uber-noticing folks.

And it’s a little bit naughty …

and I’m not meant to …

and yet, it’s mostly harmless.

And it’s a lot more interesting than running through wheat fields! (Sorry, bit of British political humour there, although, to give her her due, running through wheat is a lot more outrageous than it sounds, she’d have got a proper bollocking from the farmer if he’d caught her.)

Eyebombing is something I’ve been doing since before McMini was born. Over the years I have built up a sizeable library of photographs. Looking at them with a couple of friends, the other day, they said, ‘why on earth don’t you do a book about this?’

So the long term project will, indeed, be to produce a book on eyebombing. But it will be a long ride because this is something that only, really, works in print, and as a result, it means that not only will it be a more expensive sell but I’ll also have to try and flog it to book shops and funny only sells there at Christmas which means I’ll have to work on the book all this year, get it ready to promote next spring – because book stores choose their Christmas funny in about March. Then I will launch it, officially, in October 2018.

To fund stock, editing and design I am toying with the idea of a crowdfunding campaign. If I do that, I can give backers their copy this year, a whole year before release, and sell any left over pre release copies at the Bury Christmas Fayre – if I get a stall this year – or keep them until next year.

Royal Mail being what it is, the postage outside the UK will probably cost slightly more than the book and the crowdfunding thing may not work. So I may have to get a ‘proper’ publisher. However, for now I’m setting up a group to share pictures, both mine and I’m hoping other folks will post their eyebombs too. It’s just something I thought I’d do and if it adds ‘social proof’ to applications to publishers, or my efforts to sell the book to bookshops, jolly dee. Going forward, if I do have to mount a crowdfunding campaign, am hoping folks in the group will share the link as much as possible.

If you want to follow the fun …

If any of these kinds of japes appeal to you, and you think eyebombing would amuse you, I’d be delighted if you joined me.

To follow the development of the book, not to mention any eyebombing activities undertaken, there are three ways you can keep up with it all online.

If you want to join in …

If you already have a packet of googly eyes burning a hole in your pocket are welcome to join in; posting your own photos, chatting about eyebombing and generally shooting the breeze on the very nascent – I formed it just a couple of weeks ago – EyebombThereforeIam facebook group. You can find that here:

Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/369964093397829

Here are those links again:

Follow on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eyebombtheschoolrun/
Follow on facebook: https://fb.me/eyebombthereforeiam
Join the Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/369964093397829
Join the Eyebombthereforeiam e-mail Newsgroup here http://www.subscribepage.com/eyebomb

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Filed under About My Writing, Blimey!, Eyebombing, General Wittering