Box 010: Number 6, Jaq D Hawkins

Hello and welcome to Box 010; a bit of light whimsy which is, in no way, inspired by the popular BBC programme Room 101. Here’s now it works. Every two weeks, my special guest will pop in and then present us with five things they would like to see consigned to the dustbin of existence. This week’s special guest is Jaq D Hawkins. She does… well… Lots of stuff so I’ll let her tell you about it, over to you Jaq.

Oh and, hello.

Hello.

A bit about me? Well, my most recent release is the final part of the Goblin Trilogy I’ve been working on which came out in May, but as well as Fantasy, I write Steampunk and non-fiction mind, body and spirit books and I also produce films.

Oh, so you’re not that busy then? Mwah ha ha hargh. Wow. So where do the lovely readers need to go to get information about all the things you get up to?

The best place for information about my books is my website, here and to buy them, my Amazon author page is here The website for my film is here, and for general information about what I’m up to, here.

Lorks well, thanks for taking the time out of your schedule to join me here, today. So let’s start with your first item.

3D: Hollywood has gone 3D crazy, and as if that weren’t bad enough, they’re moving more and more towards 3D animation instead of live actors. Even The Hobbit was ruined by extensive sequences of animated actors that look like gaming platforms.

But my main gripe is 3D. Every major film has to be in 3D these days, which leads to the gratuitous something-flying-in-your-face shots that take you out of the story. A lot of people can’t see 3D properly and anyone who wears glasses has a fiddle with trying to put the 3D glasses over their normal glasses.

For my own part, I’m just very aware of the effect and to me it detracts from the story. Granted that seeing Captain Jack Sparrow in near hologram effect had a certain appeal, but I haven’t gone to the 3D version of a film since. I can get lost in a 2D film, but 3D is too closely related to extended cgi effects that detract rather than enhance a film. It failed years ago, for those of us old enough to remember the earlier 3D films in the 1980’s. Yes technology has moved on, but 3D still looks un-natural and I’ve refused to go to the cinema to see some films because I knew I would enjoy the 2D DVD more.

Ah I am so with you there. Third time round and still… a bit crap actually. When a film is vaunted for its fantastic special effects I wonder if it’s the critics’ way of telling us there’s eff all else to recommend it. Accordingly, I assume there will be no plot, 3D is just that same deal with a different gimmick. I absolutely get you. Come on readers, I know I’m supposed to be impartial but what the heck, please vote this one in. After which impassioned plea, what’s the next item you would like to see sink beneath the waves of chaos of Box 010, never to be seen again?

Mushrooms: Slimy fungus things that infiltrate pizza and other foods that would be perfectly good if they left that spongy texture out. Yeech!

I’m allergic to them and when I eat out, I find them in places they don’t belong, like fish pie. Controversial though, a lot of people love them. I like the ones I can eat, it’s just the ones that make me hurl I don’t- her hem. Sorry. Moving swiftly on, what’s your third item for Box 010?

Quorn: Following on from mushrooms, who decided that processed mushrooms would make a good meat substitute? If you want to be a vegetarian, be a real vegetarian. I found when I was feeding film crews that I could make some excellent vegetarian dishes by adapting recipes to use courgette instead of meat. My Courgette Bolognaise even satisfies the vegans. If you want to be health conscious, processed foods are your enemy.

Blimey, mushrooms AND Quorn? There are going to be some very nettled vegetarians out there Jaq. I see where you’re coming from. Although I think Quorn looks quite interesting, like proper raw yeast which has the weirdest most bizarre flavour.

Politicians: Well this one is a given isn’t it? Politicians are lying scum who live in ivory castles of their own imaginary worlds and insist that they could live on £53 a week if they had to. Show me. First cold you get that requires over the counter medicine blows your food budget. And luxuries like a new toothbrush become expenses you have to plan in advance to accommodate. Gods forbid the mop needs a new sponge head, that’s nearly a fiver right there.

Hmm, you are clearly a woman after my own heart. The third guest on Box 010 came within a snadge of getting them in… let’s see if you can succeed where he failed.

PPI – payment protection insurance: Back in the days when I had credit cards, I actually had to lie to salesmen on the phone to make them shut up about ppi. I worked for the county and could have up to 6 months off sick at full pay, that was my payment protection. I didn’t want their nasty insurance and I don’t like to lie. Now it’s all spam about collecting from mis-sold ppi because a lot of people weren’t smart enough to send them packing in the first place. Let’s just put insurance salesmen, lawyers and politicians in room 010 and leave it, shall we? We can feed them Quorn and make them watch movies in 3D until their brains can’t perceive real life anymore. No one will notice the difference.

Mmm, now there’s a mental image. Jaq D Hawkins, thank you so much for visiting us on Box 010 today.

Any time.

Right then everyone, if you’d like to vote there’s link to the poll further down the page. To find more about Jaq D Hawkins here are those links again.  For information about her books, you should visit her website, here and you can find them all for sale on her Amazon author page here. To discover more about her film work go here, and for general information about what she’s up to, here.

Join us next week for the results, and in two weeks’ time, when we will be finding out what really ticks off Will Macmillan Jones when he puts his five most loathed items into Box 010.

Vote here….

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4 Comments

Filed under Box 010, General Wittering

4 responses to “Box 010: Number 6, Jaq D Hawkins

  1. Since I eat both mushrooms and Quorn on a regular basis, I can’t really get on board with this particular set of pet hates!

    Politicians, though, I’d be happy to get rid of. They’re not so tasty. You end up with ties stuck in your teeth and the lingering taste of false promises in your mouth.

    • Never mind, at least Politicians might go in this time. Actually, so far Quorn is the only thing not going in. There being 5 items, each one has to get 20% of the vote or over, so far everything else has 20%. 😉 You might just have changed the status of Mushrooms though.

      We shall see…

  2. What a great idea for a blog series! (Just came over here from Goodreads Kindle/Nook Owners group). I’ve voted. Going to tweet the link now…

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