Happy Arnold, The Prophet’s Birthday (may his blessings be upon you).*
Yes this year, I’ve got my arse in gear and I have managed to produce a free Christmassy story for your delectation. Except, of course, it being K’Barthan it’s not a Christmas story per se but is about their equivalent, Arnold, The Prophet’s Birthday. And also, if I’m brutally honest, it’s only here because I wrote it last year f0r an anthology which never went ahead and then I never got round to writing the second half this year.
Never mind, last year’s happenstance and MTM cock ups amount to this year’s Christmas Easter Egg for you … or Christmas Easter Egg Nog, if you’re American, although I don’t know what Egg Nog actually is because I’m British. From what I understand, it’s a ye olde American tradition of drinking custard on Christmas morning. I used to drink custard instead of coffee in sixth form at school so it sounds good to me if a little … you know … odd.
Anyway onwards and upwards. Here it is, anyway. Feel free to download it of you want to. Is there an audio version yet? Oh no there isn’t BUT oh yes there is will be in the New Year, when Gareth has finished being the baddie in a panto. **
Here’s a bit more information:
The Last Word, A Christmas K’Barthan Extra
The Last Word
Yes! It’s dark, it’s mid winter and in K’Barth that means only one thing. It’s Arnold The Prophet’s Birthday! The biggest holiday in the Nimmist year. As usual, the Grongles have banned any celebrations and worse, this year, to add insult to injury, they’re going to have a book burning on the Sacred Day but that’s not going to stop Gladys and Ada. Oh no. Here’s the blurb:
When Mrs Ormaloo brings the terrible news to the Turnadot Street Businesswomen’s Association that the Grongles are going to burn some more banned books on the night of Arnold, The Prophet’s Birthday Gladys and Ada decide to take steps. They even enrol some of the punters from their pub to help out.
The books are in a warehouse being kept under guard. Gladys, Ada, Their Trev and the rest of the group embark on a plan of devilish cunning to rescue as many banned books from the flames as they can.
Corporal Crundy is determined not to mess up his first assignment since his promotion. It should be easy. All he has to do is guard some books. Yeh. It should be a piece of cake but somehow that’s not the way it turns out.
This story is about the same length as Night Swimming and available in PDF, Mobi and Epub from Bookfunnel. Later I will add a second half to it and release it as a short story with a proper cover and t’ing rather than this slightly dodgy one what I done! Phnark.
To download your copy, click here
All that remains is to wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas – or whatever you do instead – and a fabulous New Year.
*I am probably going directly to hell for that joke.
** S’cuse the badly executed oh no it isn’t! Oh yes it is panto joke there. I couldn’t help myself.
M T McGuire Authorholic 
Ah, a real Christmas present (confusing that, does it become a Christmas past when I’ve read it?) Nearly snorted my egg-nog. I wonder if you could do that with custard powder. I’ll let you know.
Just be careful not to ignite it … the custard powder, I mean. 🙂
On Sat, 25 Dec 2021 at 17:05, M T McGuire Authorholic wrote:
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Just noticed there’s a repeat section in the easter-egg Starting **** An elderly drunk… (33% in) to ‘considered it cause for alarm ***It repeats the section between the *** to 35% and I think gets back on track at *** With arthritic stealth… I’ll send this and will keep an eye open for any others. regards Jim
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You star! Thanks. I have corrected that one and there’s another repeated section at the end which is cleared up in later versions as well. 🙂 Alas, despite the anthology that never happened having proofed it, I have to cut and paste it into chapter files to make an epub and that’s where it all went tits up!
On Wed, 29 Dec 2021, 16:35 M T McGuire Authorholic, wrote:
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AH yes spotted that one too now.
Jim
Hopefully it’s gone in the new version! 🙂 fingers crossed.
On Wed, 29 Dec 2021 at 18:20, M T McGuire Authorholic wrote:
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Egg nog is best when enhanced with booze, just as I imagine panto is as well. Just kidding, that would be inappropriate around the rosy-cheeked children, right? Right??…sigh…
Although any liquor such as bourbon, rum, whiskey, or brandy will do, it is traditionally paired with cognac in a 1:5 ratio (but YOU should decide which way to ratio your libation).
Here’s the recipe:
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/269416/traditional-eggnog/
Once your drink is poured sprinkle a little cinnamon or nutmeg on top of the nog for additional enhancement. Or simply snort a little custard powder once EJ has vetted that and says it’s all right.
Awesome! Thanks for the recipe. I’m pathetically excited about making myself an egg nog now!
On Sat, 25 Dec 2021 at 22:24, M T McGuire Authorholic wrote:
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Heyup me Duck!
Just a quickie to say there’s a repeat in the book – chapter The Plot Thickens – you’ve got the whole section from “An elderly drunk “ to “cause for alarm” twice!
Still enjoying it though, as ever, you’re ace!
Hope you’re enjoying the holiday season despite the organisational challenges?
Love and hugs to you all,
Liz xxx
Sent from my iPad
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Cheers me duck. All fixed now. 🙂