Come the winter we are hoping we might be able to go skiing so in order to prepare, it occurred to us that it would be smart if McMini and I actually had a go at skiing first. So today, it was McMini’s turn. There’s a dry slope not far from us so off we went. He took to it well and it looked ace. I am very much going to try it when term starts.
After we were done, we decided to make a day of it and we went on to Aldeburgh for lunch which was lovely. After we’d eaten we took a stroll, bought an ice cream and sat on a bench to eat it, overlooking the sea. Even though I checked it for turds before sitting down I still failed to notice that one of the ‘special Aldeburgh seagulls’ had laid a length of cable that a Doberman would have been proud of, and of course, I sat on it.
Aldeburgh: taken while sitting in seagull pooh
As the resulting cack smearage made me look as if I’d extensively soiled myself I tried to clean it off. Half a bottle of water poured over the affected area merely made it look as if I’d lost control of both orifices. And now I also had pooh smeared on my hands! Lovely! Once I’d rinsed my hands with the rest of the water and rubbed liberal amounts of hand sanitiser over them we took stock. There was only one thing for it. I deemed it imperative that I changed into some pooh-free trousers or shorts at the first opportunity. But I had no spares so I was going to have to go into a shop looking as if I’d shat my pants, explain what had happened, and hope they’d let me buy some.
The seagulls in Worthing are much more genteel
Aldeburgh has many clothes shops and right now they all have sales on but, even with 70% off, a pair of shorts was coming up at £35. Hats off to the folks running them, though, who were perfectly prepared to let me try and buy despite my effluvia-covered togs and accompanying smell.
However, I began to despair of replacing my rancid shorts until I noticed the Sue Ryder charity shop. I popped in there and got a very nice pair of chino beige pedal pushers for £4.50. Phew.
I had planned how I could zip my anorak up round my waist and remove my trousers in the high street but although I’d worked out how it could be done without flashing my arse to the entire neighbourhood, I can’t say I was looking forward to it very much. Many, many things could have gone wrong.
But all’s well that ends well.
So that’s a relief.
A quiet day here, then. Same old, same old. How was your Saturday?
M T McGuire Authorholic 
Gee whiz, girl, I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune – again! You have the most terrific way of describing your misfortune. Keep this up, and you’ll hve a book called “The Perils of MT”. Glad you finally got a pair of pedal pushers for a great price!
Mind you, on my last visit to your wonderful country, the only piece of clothing I could afford to buy was a supremely well-made blue blazer for £35. I bought it, pronto, and thanked Oxfam for existing.
Remind me why three intelligent women all need to shop at charity shops?
Made me laugh out loud!
Her post or my comment? I suspect both MT and I have managed it on the rare occasion. Must dash and write a blog post, although doubt it will be as funny as MT’s!
Your comment.
Are you sure you aren’t British? Your brevity/succinctness gives you A1 creds.
Because we’re smart enough to know there’s more to life than money? Which, of course, means we don’t have any! Phnark! I am having a bit of a conflict with the w.i.p. because I want to write it in the style of this post but I have to dial the swearing back a tad or I’ll have to engage a whole new audience. Sigh. I’ll probably write it like this and then make the invective a little less obvious!
Yes and yes.
Oh. WIP is sounding good. Me likey.
I’m doing an excerpt in next month’s mailing! I’ll post it here too.
Only you! Too, too funny. I did try to read this out but too many splutters were interspersed.
Years ago, one of my colleagues on £40K+ a year used the local charity shop. As we lived in poshland it had decent clothes.
Few weeks back, he was asked to do a casual security job. Hugo Boss trousers (nearly 20 years old) no longer fitty. But, why spend more money on clothes than the job will earn? Brainwave. Like yours. £6.50 for shirt, belt, trousers. Was also told how smart he looked. Total win.
Btw I totally wear men’s shorts these days. Much better. You can even put things in the pockets!
Oh I hear you! The men’s shorts HAVE pockets!
MY shorts have pockets. That’s cos they are men’s. Phone, keys, cards, money, yup, they all fit. And I don’t look like like some teenage sex symbol. Ok, at my age I don’t anyway, but still, what is wrong with sensible clothing? Instead of figure-hugging garbage? Don’t start me!
Yeh, my shorts also all mens. Because where the hell do women put their phones? Let alone a wallet with the number of loyalty cards and store cards mine contains and all the little pieces of paper with funny phrases I thought up and wrote down, and the stones I pick up wherever I go … I’m a bit of a shiny thing hunter.
Ssssh! Stores will be reading this. Men’s clothing is always cheaper than women’s and better quality. If they read this, we will be sprung! So, quietly, quietly …
Balls! They will, too. I must be careful.
Which reminds me. It’s time for me to go and have a shower!
Don’t! I need one too!
I thought something hummed round here.
What an exciting life you lead 🙂
Yeh, I know. Action packed!
Thank the gods for charity shops, £35 for shorts in the U.K. is a bit eye watering! I emphathize with all seagull related aggression/poo torment, in Aberdeen they have basically evolved into a proto seagull police state, walking into shops and taking what they please, attacking citizens when they see something they fancy (M&S sandwiches seem a particular favourite!), without any fear of retribution. Monstrous beasts!