Hello and welcome to Box 010; a bit of light whimsy which is, in no way, inspired by the popular BBC programme Room 101. Here’s now it works. Every two weeks, my special guest will pop in and then present us with five things they would like to see consigned to the dustbin of existence. This week’s special guest is Simon Royle. His three futuristic technothrillers have been compared, in style, to Asimov and are, in order of release, ‘Tag’ followed by ‘Bangkok Burn’, the first book in the Bangkok series, and its brand-new sequel, just published in March 2013, ‘Bangkok Wet: 2 (Bangkok Series)’.
Hello Simon, first of all, can you tell us a bit about yourself?
Yes I can. I was born in Manchester, England in 1963 and I have been, variously; a yachtsman, advertising executive, and a senior management executive in software companies. A futurist and a technologist, I live in Bangkok, with my wife and two children.
Wow that’s a pretty impressive CV. Well, I hope you’re ready to shove some pet hates into the nihilistic darkness that is Box 010. What is the first item you’d like to put in?
A mosquito buzzing around your ear just when you are about to go to sleep. They’re also the biggest killer globally so it’s more than annoying, it’s sinister.
Presumably something primitive in us knows, too, otherwise such a tiny, insignificant noise would never wake us up.
Yep, almost certainly.
Mmm (shudders). Ugh, right, moving swiftly on from mozzies which buzz backwards and forwards past your ear all night, what’s the second item you’d like put into Box 010?
Politicians – all of them, globally. They serve no purpose, cost a lot of money and apart from when they cause a scandal provide little or no entertainment value. They’re also the second biggest killers globally.
OK, I’ve actually made a rule that we have to avoid politics. Then again, what better way to do that than to put all the politicians into Box 010. Yep, so I’ll let that go, let’s just hope the lovely readers vote them in. What is your third thing?
Karaoke in all its forms. Every time someone sings a song to a karaoke video an angel dies in heaven. I remember – well, permanently scarred is the phrase that comes to mind – the first time I was subjected to the torture of Karaoke. I was in a pub in Hong Kong, the year was 1983. I was trying to persuade a woman called Gillian to come and take a look at my etchings. Romeo and Juliet, by Dire Straits, had just ended building the romance of the moment as were the tequila shots, when, from somewhere hidden… “And now, de end is here, And so I face the final curtain, My fliend I say it crear…” the flowers on the table wilted as did any thoughts of romance. I was brutally reminded of every filling in my teeth and all I could think about was where to get my hands on a sawn-off double-barrelled twelve bore with double ought shot. So please, if you disagree with all my other choices, put this one goes into The Box and make me a happy chappy.
Mwah ha haahrgh! Yes. I can imagine that was fairly traumatic. So what’s the fourth thing you’d like to consign to Box 010?
Economy class travel on airoplanes. There’s a theory going around called Evolution, a theory that is clearly debunked by Economy Class air travel. What people in their right minds would pay to be put in a tin can, pressurized, flung through the air at 750 mph, fed shit and treated worse. Then if you complain be sent off to Guantanamo for the rest of your natural life. How can we possibly claim to have evolved?
Simon, what’s the fifth and final item you’d like to put into Box 010?
Financial advisers. They advise you how to give them money, lose it, and then pay themselves a huge bonus.
Another excellent choice. Simon, thank you for joining me here for larks and a light rant.
It was a pleasure.
So there we are. Folks if you’d like to vote there’s a poll box at the bottom of the page. To find more about Simon’s books, click here and there’s a bit more about his latest book, ‘Bangkok Wet: 2 (Bangkok Series)’ below that.
Join us next week for the results, and in two weeks’ time, when we will be finding out what really ticks off fantasy author, Jim Webster, when he puts his five most loathed items into Box 010.
And now the voting… you, yes, you ladies and gentlemen can decide which of Simon’s items go into Box 010. You have until next Wednesday 17th April, to cast your vote using the poll below. Yep, it’s that easy.
Simon’s latest book, Bangkok Wet: 2 (Bangkok Series) is the sequel to the acclaimed, Bangkok Burn.
As Bangkok barricades itself against a rising flood of toxic waste, Chance has got some wet work of his own going on. He’d rather be on honeymoon with Pim; that had been the plan.
But the plan didn’t include the untimely death of a Godfather’s son, being blamed for the theft of a billion baht, and a move by a rival gang on Big Tiger’s territory; now there’s a new plan – war and retribution.
Funny thing about guns and plans – everyone’s got one.
Note from Admin, 29.5.13: Apologies for retrospectively disabling comments on this post but it’s getting buckets of spam. …I think it must be the word bangkok.