A chip off the old block …

Thanks to everyone who did the survey last week. It was very helpful and much appreciated. This week, I have mostly been running around like a headless chicken. To my complete and utter delight I have managed to do at least 10 minutes of writing every day, which is equating to 400 words plus. Happy joy.

Sausages are being worn high this year.

Meanwhile, McMini has been given time at school to do creative writing. As a ten year old boy he is obsessed with Killy-Killy-Death-Death. Basically the more wanton destruction and violence in something, the better. Or humour. He loves the funny. The picture (to your left if I can get the formatting to work, below if I can’t) is of a model in a museum. The life jacket caused us endless mirth because of its uncanny resemblance to sausages. The blusher is a little unsubtle too.

But back to McMini, his latest ‘work’ is about a ‘dear fluffy little bunny who is hit by dust from a meteor and turns in to a killer’.

The story is then simply a litany of places where humans frolic and gambol under the illusion they are safe and happy only to discover Killer Bunny though the medium of being graphically torn apart, disembowelled, eaten from the head down etc.

I swear he has never seen Monty Python well, he has now that he’s told me about killer bunny. But you wouldn’t know, would you?

There are now six instalments of Killer Bunny and this morning, in the car, we had this conversation.

‘Hey Mum, guess what? I wrote some more Killer Bunny yesterday and the teacher asked me to read it out.’

‘She did?’ I asked, I can only think that she hadn’t actually seen any of it. ‘What was it about?’

‘It was about this man wandering in the desert and Killer Bunny attacks him, rips out his spine and eats it and throws him into the distance.’

‘I see,’ I said after he had explained this. ‘What did the teacher say?’

‘I did tell her I didn’t think I should read it out loud.’

‘That’s very thoughtful of you. What did she say when she heard it?’


‘That’s all.’


‘Did the other kids like it?’

‘Oh yes, although my fried Mae said that it was not age appropriate.’

I’m never sure how to take McMini’s horror obsession. It’s not something I remember going through and on the whole he is a chip off the old block. As you know, I grew up in a school. One of the features of said school is that it has a very large ‘chapel’ which is about 100ft high and more like a gothic cathedral. I used to have to go there with Mum sometimes while she was arranging the flowers and I remember as a wee nipper, Mr Kendel, the verger, giving me one of the unconsecrated wafers to try. I thought it was delicious and got confirmed as soon as possible. I’m not sure, ‘because the host tastes like a flying saucer sweet without the sherbet’ is quite the right reason to do that, but there we go. At least I never admitted it to anyone.

Meanwhile, McMini’s reaction was extremely similar and he is delighted to be able to take communion now too. He is worse than me though, undeterred by numerous bollockings, he smacks his lips and says, ‘yum, yum’ to wind me up if I am not careful and that is a way dodgy.

Going back to his wayward mother, when I was older, old enough to wander around the school unaccompanied with my friend Lottie, we used to go and write pretend messages in the visitors book in the chapel. You know, Comment: blank, Name: Miss E Likes. Address, The Cock Inn, Tillet, Herts. An other really mature stuff like that. McMini has invented his own form of this.

A few weeks ago at small church, the vicar was giggling in front of the prayer board at the back.

‘Come and look at this!’ he said to me.

I looked at the board, it’s a pin board with ‘Prayers’ written at the top and the cards all say, ‘we pray for …’ on them. You then write what or whom you pray for.  He pointed to one of the cards.

‘Oh bugger, I’m so sorry, that’s my son,’ I told him but unfortunately, my attempts to sound respectful were ruined by the involuntary guffaw of laughter that came out when I saw it. Thank heavens he has a sense of humour, himself, and pointed it out because he thought it was funny.

So yes, on the whole, the parallels between my behaviour and my son’s are usually similar, but with the added frisson of his death and violence obsession. I suspect I am in for an interesting time when he becomes a teenager.


Filed under General Wittering

14 responses to “A chip off the old block …

  1. No point in having ’em if you don’t enjoy ’em.

  2. Awesome! My kids seem only to have inherited my petulance, sarcasm and addiction to shopping 🙄

  3. When my nieces were small, they came home from their (Catholic) school one day singing a song that went “I lift four cheese every day”. It had actions too, which did appear to bear out that they were singing about weightlifting with dairy produce. Baffling, eh? But the kids were adamant.

    In the end my sister was intrigued enough to ask the teacher, and when she had had a little sit down and laughed till her mascara ran, she flicked to the appropriate page in the songbook, “I Live for Jesus Every Day” and explained the weightlifting action was supposed to represent Jesus on the cross….!

    • Mwahahahaahrgh! Blessed are the cheesmakers.

      My brother and I spent a vexing hour with my mother trying to get her to understand what we wanted when we asked her to do the tortoise prayer. Eventually we explained that we said it in church every Sunday and it was the prayer that Jesus tortoise. Or the prayer that Jesus taught us as it is actually referred to, the Lord’s Prayer.

      • Diana

        Blessed are the Cheesemakers is the name of a really quirky book I read several years ago. I was never sure if I loved it or didn’t really like it. Most books I know what my evaluation is. Do you know it?
        (When I did a search that phrase also came up for Monty Python — who I never did appreciate — so you may have been referring to him. I did not watch the rabbit sketch. I am not a fan of blood and guts, unless they are intact in bodies. But I know many are!)

        The stories of “lift four cheese,” and the “Jesus tortoise,” are wonderful. I am glad you and JA Clement shared those. I also really like your son’s humour (thank you for not sharing the bloody bits).

        I have friends who have three children. The entire family could be your best friends. They are all lovely and funny.

        One conversation at their house the other night was short:

        Mom (for the umpteenth time): Son, please go to bed!
        Son (typing on their old fashioned typewriter): I can’t, I need to finish my memoir.

        Note: Son is 7, maybe 8, I think.

      • Glad you liked the lift four cheese and Jesus tortoise. The cheesmakers is a line out of Monty Python. The sketch starts with some folk at the back at the sermon on the mount and they can’t hear so there’s ‘what, what did he say?’ I dunno, ‘Blessed are the cheesmakers?’ ‘Nah, why would he say that?’

        The rabbit bites the people in the vid and kills them, like McMini’s but it’s a surrealist joke rather than horror. Depends on your sensibilities though! 😉

        Love the story about the memoirs. I love the stuff kids come out with. Brilliant.

  4. Sounds like McMinni would enjoy The Walking Dead. Do you get the cable series over there? Not that I’m recommending it, mind you, but it’s loaded with gorey scenes. Probably way to strong for a ten-year-old.

  5. That exchange with the teacher is priceless. The ‘yeeees’ would be exactly my response, but I love the classmate’s age-appropriate comment. Probably a future Home Secretary.
    I can’t think of a cheese song at present. But our Music master probably knew what he was in for when he gave us thirteen year-olds a song called Chiapanicos, about some person with that name. The chorus went something along the lines of “So sing, Cheaper Knickers, hoorah, hooray…”

    • PS McMini sounds refreshingly normal to me.

    • Snicker … love it. When I was younger the Director Of Music at our school used to play the battle hymn of the republic on weekends when Brighton won and you could actually hear the ‘Glory, Glory Brighton Hove Albion’ being sung by the kids over and above the proper words. He also found a hymn that would go to the tune of the Blackadder theme. That was fun, too.

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