Box 010: Number 1, Michael Brookes

Hello and welcome to Box 010; a bit of light whimsy which is, in no way, inspired by the popular BBC programme Room 101. Here’s now it works. Every two weeks, my special guest will pop in and then present us with five things they would like to see consigned to the dustbin of existence. This week’s special guest is Michael Brookes author of The Cult of Me’ and its brand-new, just-published sequel, ‘Conversations in the Abyss’. You can find his Amazon author page here or visit his blog here.

Hello Michael, first of all, can you tell us a bit about yourself?
Yes I can. I’m an author and Executive Producer with a leading UK games developer. Working in games and writing are two of my life passions and I consider myself fortunate to be able to indulge them both. I live in the east of England, enjoying starry skies in the flattest part of the country. When not working or writing I can sometimes be found sleeping. Which is good as that is where many good ideas come from.

Ah yes, sleep. I remember that. Well, I hope you’re ready, shall we start? What is the first item you’d like to put into Box 010?
Onions.

Sure, I know, I know – what craziness is this?

Well, yes, it’s certainly lateral, would you like to tell us what offence the humble onion has caused that makes you want it expunged from existence?

I just can’t stand onions. It’s not the taste, the flavour is fine. In fact I use onion powder when I’m cooking. It’s the texture that I despise. I soon as I feel it in my mouth it makes me think of dead man’s toenails. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

As for raw onions, that’s even worse. The sweaty crunch as you bite into it. And to top it all they make you cry. Reduction into powder is too good for them.

Dead man’s toenails. Mmm… nice. Phnark. So there it is everyone, if Michael comes round your house be careful what you feed him. OK Michael, what is the second thing you’d like to put into Box 010?

People who drive in the fog without lights on.

I’m driving along the road; visibility is practically zero with the freezing fog hugging the road. Suddenly a shape looms only metres ahead. It is the special kind of idiot who happily drives along in the fog with no lights. And 9 times out of 10 they’ll be driving a white or silver car. It was that fact that made me realise they do it deliberately. They pick their cars to blend in with the fog and then make sure they turn their lights off so they can ambush you in the dark.

And of course if you hit them in the ass it’s your fault.

Excellent point, I certainly hope that one gets voted in. Right, so what is the third thing you want to put into Box 010?

Waking up.

I love sleeping. It’s warm, it’s comforting and I have interesting dreams. Then the shrill shriek of the alarm slices through that joy. The transition between sleep and wakefulness is harsh. It is never welcome. I’m fine once I’m up and about. But opening my eyes and climbing out of bed is the hardest thing I have to do every day.

I don’t deny it’s not irrational, but I hate it. I hate it even more that I have to keep doing it over and over again.

There we are ladies and gentlemen, second important point, if Michael stays over round your house, don’t wake him up! So Michael, what’s the fourth thing you want to put into Box 010

Or rather, I hate being made to dance. I’m happy enough to watch people dance, especially if they know what they’re doing. But it’s always ruined by someone who thinks I have to be part of the fun. Invariably they won’t take no for an answer.

I don’t dance. I can’t dance. I don’t want to dance. But that apparently it’s me in the wrong for not wanting to look like an idiot having a fit. If you want to dance that’s all good, just leave me out of it.

I have a very worrying mental picture now Michael! Come on then, what’s the last thing you’d like to put into Box 010

Film remakes.

Why? There’s a perfectly good original, why make another? OK, occasionally something new is added, but usually it’s just a straight remake, so what is the  point? It’s not as if there is a shortage of stories for new films. It’s just laziness, or even worse hubris. I can make a better version of the film that is already a classic. Nonsense. Do something new, something different. Make your name with a film that is your own. Don’t make me watch an inferior version of a film I watched years ago.

Oh yes! Vote for this everyone, please.

Michael, thank you so much for kicking off Box 010, it’s been great having you.

Thank you for inviting me.

A pleasure,  you’ve given three answers that I am really hoping my lovely readers will vote into Box 010.

So folks if you’d like to vote there’s a poll box at the bottom of the page. To find more about Michael’s books, click here and there’s a bit more about his latest book, ‘Conversations in the Abyss’ below that.

Join us next week for the results, and in two weeks’ time, when we will be finding out what really ticks off Simon Royale when he puts his five most loathed items into Box 010.

And now the voting… you, yes, you ladies and gentlemen can decide which of Michael’s items go into Box 010. You have until next Wednesday 3rd April, to cast your vote using the poll below. Yep, it’s that easy.

Michael’s new book, ‘Conversations in the Abyss’ is the sequel to the 5 star rated supernatural thriller ‘The Cult of Me’

Stealing Lazarus’s miracle gifted him immortality. Combined with his natural ability of invading and controlling people’s minds this made him one of the most dangerous people on Earth.

But the miracle came with a price. His punishment was to be imprisoned within the walls of an ancient monastery and tormented by an invisible fire that burned his body perpetually. To escape the pain he retreated deep into his own mind.

There he discovers the truth of the universe and that only he can stop the coming Apocalypse.

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